Never Make People Wrong
As a personal mastery coach, I’ve been working on doing my contextual groundings around coaching pre-suppositions. Here is an idea I have been working with that you might find helpful.
NEVER MAKE PEOPLE WRONG.
As a coach, I think I am prepared for various scenarios, but then I will get asked a question I’ve never even thought of! I’ll be cruising along, thinking I know everything and then I will get smacked with an opposing opinion or point of view I had never even considered!
If I am to be an effective coach, I must be open to seeing experiences from the other’s point of view.
There is no right or wrong way to do life. We either take part in behaviours that support us in the things we want to experience, or our behaviours limit us. So if someone comes to me as a client and has an alternative perspective on life, I must be open to learning from them! If I position people as ‘right or wrong’, no one would come to me for coaching. Who’d want to be coached by someone who regarded their perspectives as wrong?
If I saw one of my clients as ‘wrong’, my judgement of the client would impede my ability to help them. I must always be willing to shift to other’s points of view. There would be no point in being a coach if I had no intention to learn myself.
What about those righteous clients? Yes, I’ve had clients who didn’t understand or agree with my-oh-so-incredibly wise perspective (yes that was a humble brag): that’s fine! I let it be what it is and then move on. I don’t engage in making them wrong for not agreeing with my point of view. In fact, I’m often content with planting a seed and trusting the client to have the internal wisdom to do what is best for them with it.
This also plays into my ability to be open to give and receive feedback. If I am grounded in ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, I may not be willing to hear feedback or even give it for fear of doing it ‘wrong’. Feedback is not about right/wrong. It is about additional information for awareness. Feedback is an effective tool when there is no right or wrong grounding. If I am unwilling to give my clients honest feedback, then I am not being in full service to them.
As a coach, I am here to assist people to free themselves from the large gap between where they stand and where they want to be. I am not there to make him/her wrong for where they are standing or for where they want to be.
I’ve also learned that I can always make my point without getting into a right/wrong discussion. I can own my position, power and standpoint without having to engage in a power struggle. If I EVER get into a right/wrong argument with a client, my rapport is over and we’re done, plain and simple.
Q1. Where in your life might you still be operating from the grounding of ‘right/wrong’?
Q2. How might you shift your point of view to identify objectively with some else’s perspective?
The Achologist is the official online publication for Achology, the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology for professional practitioners and life coaches.
