What is the quality of your relationships?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of your relationships?

1 being lousy, rotten, no energy, boring….10 being exciting, connected, passionate, loving, caring, and respectful.

Now imagine that you had the power to choose the quality of your relationships consciously: what number would your relationships be on the scale?

What if I were to tell you won’t find the secret to having quality 10 out of 10 relationships at the bottom of a Viagra bottle, within the chapters of a romance novel, or from getting married and having kids?

What if I were to tell you that you can have quality 10 out of 10 relationships with the people already in your life: would you be interested? If you are then fair warning, continue reading at the risk of your own comfort zone; because while the ability to have amazing relationships with everyone in your life is possible, it requires effort and HONESTY. You must be 100% willing to being honest if you wish to experience extraordinary relationships.

If I am experiencing anything less than 10 out of 10 from a relationship I have with someone, I know there’s something being withheld within that relationship, i.e. something which is not being said.

When people withhold truth within a relationship, they inadvertently build a barrier between themselves and the other person, and both feel this on an unconscious level. Unspoken truths are like bricks in a wall between people; they cause the exchange of energy to remain blocked and force us to continue wearing masks and pretend who we are.

I will often ask myself, “Do I care enough about this relationship to speak my truth?” Honestly, sometimes the answer is, “No, I don’t”. I don’t always feel like I need to reveal my sacred vulnerabilities with parents from my son’s class, nor do I always feel like I need to share with the guy standing next to me on the subway I honestly think he smells bad.

I’m not talking about floodlighting people with honesty for the purpose of feeling ‘connected’. I’m talking about caring for those people in your life who you would want at your funeral. The people who make the days in your life worth living. If you ask yourself, “Do I care enough about this person to be honest?”, and the answer is, “Yes, I care very much for this person”, then you must become willing to speak the truth, even at the risk of their disapproval.

Because when you put everything forward, both parties can see the other more clearly. Isn’t that the definition of intimacy? [IN-TO-ME-SEE]

So be willing to ask yourself:

‘What needs saying?’

‘What truths need owning?’

‘What is it that haven’t I been willing to say to this person?’

Having the courage to be honest creates a path to a clear & direct connection.

You may read this and think, “If I’m 100% honest, they won’t want to be in my life anymore.” If I’m in a relationship with someone and they’re not interested in a solid 10 out of 10 connection, then I ask myself what I’m doing in relationship with that person.

I am interested in creating a life nothing less than spectacular, and for me, this must include 10 out of 10 relationships! But to have that experience, I must be open to working with HONESTY.

Q1. On a scale of 1–10, what is the quality of your relationships?

Q2. If any are less than 10 out of 10, what truths need owning to make the relationship a 10 out of 10?

The Achologist is the official online publication for Achology, the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology for professional practitioners and life coaches.