4 Signs She’s Not Interested in You

When she’s not into you, you can tell.

Renata Gomes
Dec 15, 2020 · 4 min read
Photo by christian ferreron Unsplash

So you have a crush on a girl.

You’re trying to figure out if you should just go for it, make a move, take your chance — but you’re afraid things won’t go your way.

You’re afraid you’re misreading the signs, afraid that your crush on her is making you see things that aren’t really there.

And you don't want to lay it all out there only to be turned down.

We all fear rejection to some extent, and justifiably so. It’s not fun to put your heart on the line only to have it crushed in tiny little pieces. While getting over paralyzing fear of rejection is good for you — and it requires that you put yourself out there more often — that’s a subject for another day.

For now, let’s focus on how you can tell she’s not interested before you even ask.

When you talk to her, whether in person or by text, it feels as if you’re doing all the heavy lifting of keeping the conversation going. You’re the one coming up with stuff to talk about, and her responses are short and to the point. She doesn’t elaborate on anything, doesn’t open up, and doesn’t ask you questions.

Some people are bad conversationalists, some people are shy, but when a girl is into you, she’ll genuinely enjoy every chance at having a good, intimate — and possibly life-changing — conversation.

We all experience bad days, days where we feel we don’t have much to say to anyone, and would rather be left alone. But looking at your average interactions with this woman, does she seem eager to talk to you and fully engaged, or is she simply making an effort to be polite? If you pay enough attention, you should be able to tell the difference between genuine interest and someone who’s just being social.

Let’s face it, it’s 2020, the subject of texting frequency has been dissected almost to death by now. It’s not rocket science: too much texting, you don’t have a life; too little, you’re simply not that interested.

Use a bit of reverse-engineering to figure this one out: how often do you text someone you’re not into? Probably not that often. Except for close friends, you don’t really text someone you’re not interested in, and so does everyone else.

If you like her, but she only ever texts you back, that’s not a good sign. If she never shoots you a “hey, how are you doing?” text out of nowhere, she’s not that interested.

Body language is a great way to know what’s really going on in someone’s mind. Her body language can tell you if it’s a hell yes, or a not in a million years.

Signs she’s not into you include crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning her body away from yours. Her trying to increase the distance between you is also not a sign she’s interested.

She might wiggle away when you touch her shoulder, and keep any hugs between you as short as possible.

Perhaps she senses you like her, or perhaps you say screw it, and let her know you’d like to take her out in a romantic scenario, in any case, if she says she’d rather just be friends, she’s not into you.

If you make a move and she says “no,” that doesn’t mean “try again later,” it means “move on.”

If you confess your feelings for her and the answer isn’t an enthusiastic “me too,” you’re better off taking a step back and working on getting over it.

When she counters your romantic advances with promises of friendship, it means she cares about you to the extent of not wanting to hurt your feelings, but she’s not into you that way — and it’s very likely she’ll never be.

Whether you choose to stay friends or not is up to you, but if you do decide to be friends with her, do it for the friendship alone, not for some hypothetical chance of maybe winning her over later.

While it’s not impossible to turn friendship into romance in the long run, most girls don’t miss the chance of saying “I like you back” to a guy they really, really like. Be very careful with staying friends while nurturing a crush — you might end up hurt. Take a step back if you have to. If she cares about you as a friend, she’ll understand.

You can attempt to read all the signs you want, but the only way to know for sure if a girl is into you is to tell her.

Rejection may hurt, but too often the weight of wondering “what if” hurts even more. Keep that in mind.

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