Photo by Egor Vikhrevon Unsplash

Top 7 Online Dating Bios That Turn Me Off

And the ones that turn me on.

Renata Gomes
Aug 14, 2020 · 3 min read

As a single person in this messy, pandemic-ridden world, I have decided to do what everyone else in my situation is doing: enjoy the questionable wonders of online dating.

Although the activity has certainly reached a peak due to the limited options single people have to interact with one another these days, online dating is still ridden with the same perils as it always has.

There’s still the process of looking, analyzing, sorting and, hopefully, matching — and bios are an essential part of that process.

Re-joining the online dating world post-pandemic has made me realize the bios that turn me off now are the same that used to turn me off before. So I guess a pandemic can change a lot about the world, but not a bit how human males in general like to present themselves online — which is a bummer, if you ask me.

Seriously, nothing?

I understand the temptation of going into the dating scene with a low-effort mindset, but an empty bio is one step below low-effort, it’s bordeline indifference.

If you can’t be bothered to give me a hint of why I should match with you, I’m out.

I friend of mine wrote “I like cats” and slapped a cat emoji right next to it to avoid confusion. Even that is better than nothing.

No, I don’t want to have to “talk to you and find out,” I want a reason to talk to you in the first place. Yes, I mean a reason beyond your profile pictures. Give me one.

Only one.

Are you trying to get dates, or followers?

Look, I’m on this online dating app to get dates, not to be redirected to Instagram. You’re missing the mark by a mile here, bud.

Lazy.

Lazy and inauthentic, as your conversation skills are likely to be. Pass.

People are incredibly complex. There are no simple people, and there’s nothing you can say or do to convince me you’re a simple man.

I get it, though. By “simple,” you mean your tastes are not sophisticated, and you’re easily satisfied with very little. You don’t consider yourself particularly ambitious, and you’d rather live a simpler life than any other kind of life. All of that is perfectly fine, but it doesn’t appeal to me.

I’d like to find someone who’s curious, adventurous, and restless. I’d like to find someone who appreciates the extraordinary, from tasting different foods to picking unusual travel destinations, from unexpected readings to elaborate conversations.

So, drop the “simple man” façade. Chances are you’re either more complex than you think, or more boring than I can handle — or both.

Either way, pass.

Ew.

Just. Ew.

This isn’t seekingarrangement.com.

(Although I sometimes wonder how things are like over there…)

What turns me on

I’m looking for someone I can relate to.

Someone with about the same tastes and preferences, and whose lifestyle might fit mine. Show me that’s the case.

I’m fond of bad jokes, that’s about 90% of my repertoire.

An original bad joke tells me more about you than a laundry list of likes and dislikes. It tells me you have a sense of humor, you take risks, and you’re not worried about what people think.

You put yourself out there, and you’re not afraid to make an effort. I’m into that.

What you do for a living is interesting info, but not essential.

I’d like to know a little bit about your routine. Are you a night owl or an early bird? What do you like to do for fun besides binge-watching the same five series everyone else does?

Give me a reason to want to get to know you better as a person, and I’ll be all-in.

Acid Sugar

Life, acid and sweet.

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