You Can’t Force a Relationship to Be Special

Trust me, I’ve tried.

Renata Gomes
Nov 3, 2020 · 3 min read

You don’t want just any kind of relationship, you want a special one. You want a movie-worthy plot to guide the two of you into the right direction so when you tell your story the audience will uuh and aah.

You want butterflies and fireworks and all the other clichés.

You want your partner to say and do the right things. You want them to make you swoon with a seemingly effortless gesture, something that comes from the heart and doesn’t feel forced, but that’s impressive and surprisingly well thought out.

You want spontaneity and romance, but above all, you want special.

And when special doesn’t manifest, you force it. Forcing special means you look for things that aren’t there, and manufacture the missing bits if you have to.

You pump your expectations to the highest degree, you fake excitement with everything you’ve got, and you find a way to turn breadcrumbs into a meal.

You convince yourself the knot in your stomach is actually butterflies.

Forcing special never works. When a relationship is special, you feel it right away. The excitement grows naturally with every interaction. You feel as if you know each other from a previous life. Inside jokes just happen, and they keep coming.

You can’t force that kind of connection.

Still, you try — that’s how hard you want it.

You work with what you have and you put up a fight, all in the name of love, in the name of a special kind of love you think you know well. In the end, however, when it ultimately falls apart and you realize you had it wrong from the beginning, you’ll finally see what was missing all along.

And you’ll see it wasn't your fault, you were investing too much in the wrong person and you forced special instead of waiting for it to manifest naturally.

Despite the many times things didn’t work out, special can happen for you, remember that.

Regardless of the many false starts you’ve had so far, the many times you thought you could get there but didn’t, your special love is coming.

But you have to stop hanging on to everyone that shows up. Your special someone can be anyone, but that doesn’t mean you have to give anyone a chance just in case.

You don’t have to give clueless, immature, unprepared people the benefit of the doubt. You don’t have to hang on to their every word, or hope they’ll change. Understand that what you see is what you get.

If it’s not special, then it’s not special. No amount of hard work can make up for that.

Give yourself a break. You can’t carry an entire relationship on your shoulders, let alone the weight of making something into something that isn’t.

Save some space in your life for special. Wait for it. But quit believing you can manufacture it when it isn’t there — you can’t, and you shouldn’t try.

Acid Sugar

Life, acid and sweet.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store