Supporting Difficult Conversations in Close Relationships Through Design

By Amanda Baughan, Larry Tian, Pranav Shekar, Amy Zhang, Alexis Hiniker

Relationships are fundamental to human happiness, but they inevitably involve difficult conversations. As our reliance on digital communication grows, especially for initiating and resolving conflicts, we studied how digital design can help support people during these difficult moments.

The Importance of Relationships

Research consistently shows that strong interpersonal relationships significantly contribute to long-term happiness and well-being. Effective conflict resolution can deepen emotional bonds, but many individuals struggle to navigate these conversations, particularly online. Past research has shown that digital design can shape how people engage in conversations online, including disagreements. Therefore, we focused our investigation on how digital design impacts online conflicts.

Image from Unsplash

The Challenges of Online Communication

Online platforms, especially text-based messaging, present unique challenges for conflict resolution. Many people report that online disagreements are stressful, leading to avoidance of difficult topics online. Yet, many also wish to express themselves more freely on social media.

Our research involved interviews with six therapists and twenty-one social media users who had experienced online arguments. We aimed to understand best practices for managing conflict and how digital design can support this process.

Key Findings

Our study revealed several insights into how design can facilitate better communication during difficult conversations:

The key points in which design could intervene to support users during hard conversations online,
based on data from interviews with therapists and digital communication platform users.

1. Consent to Enter Conflict: Successful conversations often begin with mutual consent. Therapists highlighted the importance of asking permission to discuss sensitive topics, ensuring both parties feel comfortable and prepared.
2. Emotional Regulation: Participants noted that text-based communication allows for pauses, enabling individuals to regulate their emotions before responding. This delay can prevent flooding — an overwhelming emotional state that impairs effective communication.
3. Attuned Communication: Effective conflict resolution requires understanding the emotions and needs of both parties. However, the absence of nonverbal cues in text communication can hinder this understanding. Participants expressed a desire for tools that help convey tone and emotion more effectively.
4. Processing Emotions Before Repair: Participants emphasized the need to process their emotions before attempting to resolve conflicts, as rushing into resolutions could lead to further misunderstandings.
5. Welcoming Conflict as Growth: Both therapists and users acknowledged that conflict can be a vehicle for personal growth. Approaching difficult conversations with the mindset of learning and understanding can enhance relationships.

Design Opportunities

Based on our findings, we propose several design recommendations to support users during online conflicts:

• Encourage Reflection: Digital tools could prompt users to reflect on their emotional state and underlying needs before initiating difficult conversations. This reflection can help clarify intentions and foster empathy.
• Facilitate Pauses: Design features could help users communicate the need for a pause effectively. For instance, an app might suggest taking a break after detecting heightened emotional language.
• Promote Attunement: Communication platforms could incorporate features that indicate tone, allowing users to better understand the emotional context of messages. This might include options for expressing emotions through emoji or other visual cues.

Participants imagined ways to provide more attuned communication with each other, including
highlighting and suggesting non-violent communication. Here, the research team illustrates what this might
look like.

• Mutual Consent Features: Platforms should consider integrating mechanisms for mutual consent regarding sensitive topics. For example, a prompt could ask both parties if they are ready to discuss a difficult issue before proceeding.

Participants wanted design support for mutual consent at various stages of online conflict, including
sending and receiving read receipts. Here, the research team illustrates what this might look like.

Conclusion

Design plays a crucial role in shaping our interactions, especially during challenging conversations. By centering relationships in design processes, we can create digital environments that promote healthier, more supportive communication.

As our world continues to evolve, so too must our tools for connection. By leveraging insights from both relationship science and user experiences, we can develop interventions that not only improve individual interactions but also foster deeper connections among people. Interested in learning more? You can read our paper!

ACM Generative AI Disclosure

The first draft of this article was written using ChatGPT, which was then reviewed and edited by the authors. The figures are original works by the authors.