Where it all began
Reflecting on my introduction to Eastern Orthodoxy
In February 2018, I read Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky’s work Crime and Punishment in an academic setting. The book struck me unlike anything I had previously read. Particularly, a devout Russian peasant and a Christ figure named Sonya, and main-character, criminal Raskolnikov’s interaction left me speechless. I went on to dabble in The Idiot and The Brothers Karamazov, although admittedly not devoting the necessary amount of time to either of the two.
I experienced a wonderful deepening of my faith post-Dostoevsky, attending Catholic Mass without fail and feeling invested in my faith not unlike one of Dostoevsky’s characters. I was drawn to God in an emotional and inexplicable way, rather than by a rational sense of obligation or a sense that I ought to.
Little did I know, Dostoevsky’s great works contained implicit, and sometimes rather explicit, Eastern Orthodox theology. At some point, I made the discovery and accepted that this is what had moved me to the point of tears while I read about Father Zosima, the confessor (The Brothers Karamazov), or the homeless Swiss girl, Marie (The Idiot.)
Marie was shunned by the townspeople, but treated kindly by Prince Myshkin. In short, his example taught the children of the town to love her. I have copied the excerpt that “got” me, here:
She almost forgot her misery, and seemed to accept their love as a sort of symbol of pardon for her offence, though she never ceased to consider herself a dreadful sinner. They used to flutter at her window just like little birds, calling out: ‘Nous t’aimons (we love you), Marie!’
The Idiot, Fyodor Dostoevsky
So on I went through the summer, continuing my study of Dostoevsky on my daily commutes in Washington, and engaging with the daily readings in my issue of the Magnificat Catholic missal. I also read Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life. I had known about him months before his rise to widespread recognition, and had consulted his videos on Dostoevsky to help with my essays for class. Those familiar with Peterson and his love of Orthodoxy will surely recognize that this was another piece of the puzzle that was coming together.
It just so happened that my only fellow-intern and coworker was Orthodox. A convert. He appreciated my seriousness about my faith and could relate. Responding to my unquenchable curiosity, he told me all about the Divine Liturgy.
Returning to school, I encountered the Orthodox Christian Fellowship while engaging in pro-life activism. I knew the Orthodox, like Catholics, would certainly be supportive of the cause. They were. The OCF members and I agreed to attend each other’s meetings. Soon, I was regularly attending OCF meetings and ended up going on a retreat — simply because I wanted to canoe and have some fun. The retreat was in the Northern, wooded area of the state. After a day of service for a little parish in Toccoa, GA, we attended Vespers. The next morning, Divine Liturgy.
The chanting. The shining icons. A place that I had worked in the day prior, painting the sacristy walls and picking up wax from the carpet, had become a piece of heaven itself. It all brought me to tears, beyond my will or my understanding. I concealed them the best I could, but let myself exist in my surroundings. I was brought to prayer without effort. After Liturgy, I experienced Agape hour with the parish. Welcoming, joyful.
Here I am, a year later. I am just beginning the inquirers class at St. Philothea with Fr. Anthony Salzman. Many events have taken place between those detailed here and the present moment — too many to name. A journal like this is long overdue, but I figure that the real journey starts now. I will write to help me think — to reflect on every step of my journey. Pray for me to grow deeper in my faith of Christ and experience Him with an open heart in the coming months. I hope you will join me by following my Medium publication, Acquiring Peace. God be with you always.
