The Ministry of Utmost Sadness
Why depression may be the best thing that ever happens to you.
A friend from college pings me the other day,”Can we speak?”
Turns out her sister — in her early 40s — is showing signs of depression. On the outside, she has everything — a fabulous house, husband, kids, good hair and potted plants. But on the inside, she feels like ‘I am nothing’.
“What have I done with my life,” is the sudden realisation of the woman whose kids have just crossed puberty and whose husband is a CEO type who thrives on work and golf.
So what next for the lady of this house? A visit to the psychiatrist, counselling sessions, alcohol, yoga, books by Jaggi Vasudev. A search for existential meaning, culminating in the One Truth: Nobody can make you happy. Happiness is something you choose for yourself.
There are a lot of very intelligent professors conducting studies on happiness. These studies are latitudinal and longitudinal, include people who are married, unmarried and of course several sets of twins (bakras for every kind of psychological research!). They essentially conclude 2 things:
- Money is not what makes people happy (tho it can keep them comfortable)
- Relationships make people happy (but people neglect them to pursue other stuff)
To sum up, money does not lead to happiness but people run after it anyway, in the opposite direction of what they really need and want. So when they achieve their goal — a certain swanky house, a dream vacation, a prestigious award or recognition — it often feels like nothing.
Because on the inside there are the deep, dangerous issues which have never been addressed. They were only pushed under the carpet of being super-busy, super-responsible and super-successful. Distractions, delusions, dabaa do toh dard ka ehsaas hi nahin hoga.
My daughter commented the other day that artists seem to have the most difficult lives. Or, maybe they talk about it more openly. If they were to suppress these emotions, and live at a superficial level, the music, films, books they produced would remain superficial. They have no option but to transcend the false self and become channels for divinity and beauty to flow through them.
And of course, t they can’t chase money. It is a known and accepted fact that great art comes out of intense outer and inner struggle. However artists are also more prone to depression and often have lousy relationships. Because they neglect the significant people in their life in pursuit of the Muse.
But let’s take the general population. Those who wish to lead a stable life. A predictable life. The doctors, engineers, managers, CAs, devoted mothers, fathers, husbands and wives. At the peak of stability why are they stabbed by those horrible creatures J K Rowling famously called the Dementors?
Many people think of depression as a ‘sadness’ but author Louise Hay’s definition rings far more true. It is,she says, ‘anger turned inwards’. Anger over situations you feel powerless to change. Or even speak up against. We want to maintain peace and harmony, you see. But unresolved emotions do not just disappear — they create disease (rather dis-ease in the body).
Depression is just one of a whole host of physical illnesses we create for ourselves.
I know it’s a radical thought and I did not believe it when I first read ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay 10 years ago. But now, whenever I get a sinus or cold or a fever my first thought is — what’s the real cause behind this. If I can figure out ‘who or what is irritating me’ (the emotional cause for a sinus) and somehow, forgive that person or situation, the sinus actually disappears.
So depression is a horrible feeling but it’s also a wonderful sign from the Universe. A ‘stop’ sign. Stop thinking about the outside world, look inwards. A long time ago, somebody gave you a formula — ‘do this and you will be happy’. Then the formula stopped working. But we don’t want to change… so change is being forced upon us.
My friend’s sister is 42 years old and suffering from depression. Honestly, I am happy for her. Because she is now on a journey within, the only one that really matters.
