This is What Happens When You Trade Your Authenticity for Love and Connection
The conundrum of being myself vs. the risk of hurting others
Who were you before you learned who you had to be to receive love?
I hate that so many innocent children feel like they have to trade in their authenticity for connection. Sometimes I think conditional love is almost worse than no love at all.
Sure, not being loved for who you are is tough, but knowing who you are is the single most important thing you could ever know.
Conditional love, on the other hand, requires self-abandonment, which feels like being buried alive inside your own life. Trapped. Powerless. Somehow your fault, but also not your fault at the same time.
It’s brutal.
Something I still struggle with.
It often seems like being honest about what I feel, think, want, and need will hurt people’s feelings, create conflict, or be super inconvenient for everyone. Especially for people close to me, so I often decide to “Don’t shit where you eat” and stay silent.
But over time — in the absence of raw, uncomfortable, authentic, human sloppiness — those connections turn into cordial pleasantries and games of patty-cake that are…
