You Don’t Deserve Better
Why people have awful relationships.
When their best friend is dating a loser, people often say they “deserve better.” Parents frequently say this about their children. It’s something we tend to say about those we love.
People repeatedly say to themselves: “I don’t deserve this shit! I deserve better!” No. No, you don’t. And neither does anyone else (although the sentiment is heartwarming).
There’s no such thing as “deserve better.” People get exactly what they’re capable of.
If someone shacks up with a deadbeat, it’s not a random coincidence. That’s the best they could do. And I don’t mean that in a judgy way. I just mean they were never taught the skillset to do otherwise. Let’s take a look at some of the ways this can happen.
The Love Addict
If you were abandoned as a child (physically or emotionally), you will likely carry deep fear of abandonment as an adult. Having been abandoned, it’s also probable you have no prior experience with healthy intimacy.
So you may desperately crave intimacy but also be terrified of not knowing how to do it. The safest bet then becomes wildly chasing after people who are emotionally unavailable or don’t know how to cultivate a healthy connection.
