Why would I not want to visit my dying mom in hospice? Maybe because every moment I am there looking into that face that was the center my soul is like a nightmare now. It’s more a mask than a face and her body more an empty vessel that once held that soul I love more than my life.
She is what I am and who shall ever be. She was the reader of books and the one that is responsible for my interest in history and political science. I feel nothing better when I see that body, she once was in. That face is soulless now, am I the only one that sees it?
Or am I the only one that will admit it? She was there weeks ago at the cancer center, but since she lost all she was in my view. Maybe I am just saying this to make myself feel okay for not being there more, yet even if that were true, what is wrong with that?
You don’t I get to decide what I need to see and feel okay with as my Mom dies in front of my eyes of a disease we never knew to fear? Cancer sucks and so does living through your closest loved one dying from it!