Diabetic Cyborg Life 8/29: Mental Walls Remaining?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

I think I have mental walls to save some part of myself from being hurt by the world. I realize this while chatting with my love in Bangladesh over the last few months. I try the best I can to engage and open up to her in all ways, yet she seems to need something more from me.

I can guess that some part of my soul was stored away for safety. I guess I was keeping it from the mental harm of years of living through college, grad school and the depression of multiple sclerosis diagnosis. This thought of my saving myself by moth balling it by putting it in storage in myself is truly something I fight daily.

Continually, I try to open myself to my love, yet, I cannot find that mental place she needs me to go with my words. I pray that our in-person meeting will change all this reality that I struggle with now in the chat window we live in at this time.

That part of this relationship is what I think is the issue, but also, we would not be if it were not for that ability to chat while 8,500 miles away.

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