Diabetic Cyborg Life: Two Events that Medicaid Made Happen, a new Digital Friend & Reality Now

Is the sun rising on a new reality with Medicaid and an actual mental health diagnosis? Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

The two hundred dollars barrier for the imaging scans of my head is finally gone and they will happen the soon. That is of course thanks to my coverage under Medicaid that makes them free. As you read before, they were ordered and originally scheduled for the last day of February. Honestly an odd sense of an intuition I feel tells me these could be more going on than the usual “new normal” reality of life with MS.

It could be nothing or more flares and lesions, but I will know for sure soon. The usual chore of waiting and not overthinking the whole situation is the task I face now. Whatever the scans show I know that I will persevere with the neurologist I owe my life to trust. The hope is though that the infusions will stop any activity and another hospital stay is not required.

I finally received a mental health diagnosis recently at a local community care center. I had a telemedicine interview with a physiatrist about my thoughts and events of my life that lead me to seek physiological support. I laid out all the big heath events and thing I constantly write about here for around an hour. He listened and identified that I had a major depressive disorder in remission.

I honestly think I for sure had PTSD the months after my multiple sclerosis, or MS, diagnosis when I consider his question and reactions to our interview. Yes, now his conclusion might be my state of mind now, but I was definitely way more depressed and suicidal right after the MS verdict. I am just happy to have an actual mental health verdict and not, “it might be that” or “possibly” as I had with just a therapist.

There is a scheduled follow up therapy with someone at the same place later this month. I will have to see what the therapist I see is all about to assess if I will continue to see them. My mental health seems stable now, so they will have to be a really positive influence if I continue to see them.

Anytime I read that a fellow Medium member struggling with chronic and mental illness Gillian May shared a post that takes us into her journey through a mysterious vascular condition. In her post, “I’m Addicted To Overthinking But My Brain is Saying No,” she shares that she was addicted to overthinking every action she makes. I can identify with her on overthinking thing as anyone that knows me or reads my blogs and watches my vlogs.

I commented:

Thank you Gillian for letting us in on you coping with chronic illness. The fight is exhausting and I too are just happy to be able to write about my journey and that I am still here.

I really do respect her ability to open up here and share her thoughts and the events of her life dealing with her illness. The efforts of coping with chronic medial and mental illnesses in America are an important asset for anyone dealing with one. The age-old American trope of trying harder, or bootstrap pulling, is just a mean spirited shot at anyone that struggles in the capitalistic system here. That system is setup only maximizes the profits others can get out of their illness.

Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

This conversation, my depression diagnosis and the conversation with Gillian are all a great examples of symptoms of the current times we live. My clinical depression was mostly my dealing with my MS, but I did mention the orange guy in office right now. The almost tangible feel of society today is a cautious hope that we will make the day without a disaster, mass shooting or some cataclysmic event killing many and scaring our minds. Honestly I think there is more tension in the air than after 9/11.

That all being understood and addressed I turn to things I can control and actually need think about. My Medicaid coverage being free with my diabetes is great, although I did loose my dental insurance. I hoped that the diabetes that meant free health care insurance could also cover dental insurance since dental health is important to keeping healthy. Alas, canceling my Blue Cross Blue Shield meant I had to cancel that also. Healthcare.gov only provide dental if you get health insurance. Fortunately I found suitable replacement dental insurance for only on payment of ninety-nine dollars a year.

I did feel the dragon of depression breathing fire again when I was trying to unsuccessfully keep the dental care I had. The conscious effort to throw water on it and the ease I had finding a solution saved me from that dragon roasting me like a pig on a spit. That struggle to squelch that old habit of falling into a depressed state will go on forever I guess. Or routine of miserable periods will keep trying to takeover until the full remission major depressive disorder, if that ever happens.

That feeds my main purpose for writing. That aim is not to make money since I do it all for no pay, yet my benefit is to exercise my demons and attempt to get things straight in my head. No, I do not ever feel that task is accomplishable. I just hope to show others in need of mental and medical help that I am trying, and you can too. Failure is the greatest teacher of all in the end. I have not failed at the biggest war we face on this earth. That conflict is the simple struggle to live until my heart and life gives out.

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Daily about one optimist making it in the world as best I can

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Adam, Diabetic Cyborg

Adam, Diabetic Cyborg

Muslim, Optimist, History/Poli. Sci. Prof. with no class. COVID Boosted 💉8/25 & 2/2 💍 on 10/6 & 1/17 https://adamdiabeticcyborg.substack.com/p/coming-soon?r=1

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