Daring to Dream
“Dare I dream, that I could move a mountain.
And if I tried, would I get that far.
Should I step out to walk upon the water.
Or will my doubt, ground me to the sand.
How can dreams feel so far away, when you haven’t dreamt at all.
Why am I so afraid, when I haven’t climbed high enough to fall?”
As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be a teacher. Maybe it was a way to fulfill my needs to control, innate within me since childhood, or my a love for repetitive tasks like grading. I know, strange things to desire as a child. But all the same, I would daily set up my classroom of stuffed animals of various…ethnicities…if you will, plan out their assigned classwork for the day, complete their assignments, and grade them with my favorite red crayon. On occasion, I could even convince my little brother to join me on his summer vacation as a real live student.
This dream continued throughout middle and high school. I took a brief break to explore the idea of a career involving world travel, but it wasn’t long before I returned to my safe-haven of a career in teaching. Not only did I enjoying helping people learn, I also loved the idea of a job with holidays, weekends, and summers free.
In Fall 2010, I was finally a teacher. After years of schooling, jumping through hoops in the form of tests, and a mountain of student loans, I attained my “dream” job. This was a great opportunity to be thankful for. I settled into a steady career with a consistent salary, decent benefits, and frequent vacation time. Waking up to a job you enjoy every morning, come home to a free evening, having time for friends and family, and making the world a better place, one high school student at a time—not much to complain about.
So why do I often find myself searching for more? Even with the job of my dreams, why is there a whisper in my ear to peer around another corner or the natural inclination to look at the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has a great job, great life, and if I let myself, would be perfectly content into settling into contentment and complacency. Yet, I believe something in our humanity is not meant to settle.
Swinging to either side of the pendulum isn’t helpful. If all we did is look for more, we would never be able to enjoy the sweet smell of roses. But if we are stuck only pruning and watering those same roses, we could miss out on our greatness outside the garden. So where is the balance between contentment and courage? Satisfaction and risk? If we stop fighting for more influence, bigger dreams, higher levels of wholeness, could we possibly be abandoning our part of our humanity? Somewhere along the line, we found it is easier to seek safety in what we know to be true than to seek the adventure of the unknown. I don’t have the answer to these questions, but I am excited for the journey in search of them.
Up until now, I have been too afraid to dream bigger. Fears of becoming a person who is unsatisfied or dreaming a dream I do not achieve has haunted me. Discomfort that comes in lack of perfection, a nemesis to a perfectionist such as myself, is a frequent barrier as well. I become overwhelmed at the work involved in pursuing unknown limits verses setting my sights on an achievable degree or credential. Or even wondering what my peers will think if they become exposed to all my imperfections and vulnerabilities. At some point, we have to choose to abandon these fears. Or at least not allow them to have so much weight on our choices.
For now, I’ll start by pursuing being present, connected, vulnerable, compassionate, and courageous. To be proud of the lives I’ve been a part of changing and to dare to dream of changing more. To set aside my expectations and supposed-to-be’s and pursue beauty, truth, and love relentlessly and unashamedly.
