How I got rid of my gambling addiction

And what, instead of money, I took away from it

Lucien Lecarme
Addiction_Free
Published in
9 min readFeb 9, 2019

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

I lost $3000 that night. The realization of that amount only came in the morning when I woke up. I didn’t manage to beat the casino, instead, the gambling house knocked out the last money from my wallet, and with that, my self-worth. I was showered in self-blame, anger, frustration and sadness. Caught up in a spiral that only could go down further. Still, I had that devil voice inside telling me that next time I would be the winner. When I got out of it 10 years later, I had lost roughly $100.000, but won my life back. How did I manage to swim to the surface of dark nights of raging adrenaline, scattered hope and roulette balls hitting the wrong numbers?

Obsessive Behavior

I admit, I have an obsessive character. Nothing wrong with that in fact. Fueled with ambition, passion and a good set of brains it got me to be successful in my work. In fact, during the period of my gambling addiction, I was also addicted to my work. Funny and bitter enough, after another loss, I used to work twice as hard the following days. The rent had to be paid. Simple math.

But let me start from the beginning, how did I get myself into this game that you only can lose since you fight with yourself? And what did I take out of it?

“Every gambler knows, that to lose, is what you are really here for”

U2 song text from “ Every single wave”

It all started with a friend taking me to a casino when I was about 21 years old. I was instantly hooked by the one-armed bandits, the smooth green fields with red and black numbers, the sizzling of casino coins and the grim smokey faces of the gamblers that every now and then got stirred up by the ecstatic shouts of recreational gamblers that had their company’s day out. Not long after that, I would call it home. And honestly, I started to feel at home in that house of sin, greed and short moments of bliss. I also found out that I really love the game.
I tell myself now that it was just a very expensive hobby. In a way it was, but it also prevented me from buying a house, do some sane investments and set up a healthy financial foundation for the years to come. It…

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Lucien Lecarme
Addiction_Free

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