
As I sit here, wanting to write, once again I hit the wall. “What to write about?” keeps going through my head. I have always been creative and spent many years as a graphic artist, and I love writing as a creative outlet. The more I read, the more I think of becoming a writer. The issue I have always had is the topic. I see most writers have a niche or area of focus that they regularly write about. This is where the problem comes in.
I have struggled with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) my whole life. I guess now it got rolled into the ADHD banner. But I don’t have much of the “hyper” part. I was diagnosed in the early 80’s, extremely rare at that time and not at all taken seriously. I was diagnosed by a Psychology professor at Indiana State University after my grandfather, who was a Chairman at ISU, asked him to check me out. See, I am extremely intelligent but sucked horribly in school, and my grandfather wanted to find out why. This wasn’t some parent asking “what’s wrong with my kid”. My grandfather was an actual certified genius. And, he truly wanted to know what was going on in my head since my actions and abilities did not match my academic achievements, or lack there of. It looks weird to have a kid who is accomplishing amazing things at home and can explain complex scientific theories also failing at the same classes in school. I could do long algebraic equations by 5th grade, but failed miserably in simple addition and subtraction.
Anyway, I have started and abandoned many blogs, websites and social media sites. The issue is always the same, focus. I lose interest and can’t just “stick to it”. It seems that being successful at writing online you have to have a focus area and my mind is in a different place everyday, so having one field or area is nearly impossible. I always need new things to think about, and hence, write about.
But, let me digress because I am apparently going in a different direction here. You may not know what exactly ADD really is. So, let me provide some context and cut out some myths. ADD has a wide variety of symptoms that can be very frustrating. It affects everything in your life. Heck, I have been trying for weeks to put together my photography and graphics website that realistically should have been done in a weekend. Career, Family, and daily chores or errands are very difficult — the greater the demand on your abilities to organize and focus, the more exponentially difficult things become. This can be challenging for anyone, but if you have ADD, it can feel downright impossible. In adults, ADD can look very different than ADHD does in children — and its symptoms are unique for each person. the ones I deal with the most are; trouble staying focused, disorganization and forgetfulness, impulsivity, emotional difficulties and restlessness.
Let me break these down fist then I will smash some myths. With ADD you have difficulty staying focused and attending to daily, mundane tasks. For example, you may be easily distracted by irrelevant sights and sounds and quickly bounce from one thing to another. I tend to become bored very quickly. This also leads to poor listening skills, which can affect relationships both professional and personal. The other side is the paradoxical symptom of hyperfocus. And, boy can I hyperfocus. Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction — a way of tuning out the chaos around you. It can be so strong that you become oblivious to everything going. I tend to do this watching TV. I get so into the show that any disruption of my concentration sets of my anger and I get very rude. It’s also another reason I don’t get all the little projects done that I want to do. I know the hyperfocus will happen, and with a family, I just don’t want to be focused on something and have someone distract me. That distraction causes my mind to go into a spiral that causes me quite a bit of grief. I feel like a car that just lost control on ice. So instead of dealing with an out of control mind, I just don’t get anything accomplished.
The next big issue is staying organized as this can be extremely challenging. Sorting out what information is relevant for the task at hand, prioritizing the things I need to do, and keeping track of responsibilities, and time management are overwhelming. This is what was so good for me in the military. It was done for me. I was told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now, I use calendars, reminders, note apps and check lists to try and remember things and keep things strait. but this only helps to a point. But impulsivity kicks in to really throw off any organization or focus I do have. Something catches my attention and BAM, whatever I was doing is no longer in my view.
ADD also causes addiction problems. I have fought with alcohol, smoking, gambling, a whole host of addictions. I got the drinking under control, and figured out a way to work with it. I look at beer as a treat. I only have one about every 3–6 months, and will only buy 2 bottles. Because I know, whatever I buy is just going to be urging me to drink it all. Happily, I haven’t been drunk in almost 18 years now. I quit smoking about 7 years ago, but still have cravings every time I smell it. I am still fighting the gambling, I do well for a while and then slip, but I will get there.
The emotional issues are that I get flustered very easy when I am hyperfocused, and can result in an explosive temper. This was much worse when I was younger, but I still don’t have total control. The biggest emotional issue though is connection. I have an extremely hard time connecting to someone emotionally. This gets frustrating for my wife as I seem distant many times or disconnected. She is my soulmate and means everything to me. But getting that emotional connection and growth is so freakin’ hard, that I regularly fail at this. It also affects my empathy. I tend to have no sympathy with anyone for any situation they are in. Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care. And I try my best to have sympathy. But, I seem to lack that emotional ability, and it is frustrating.
I don’t tend to have the hyperactivity of ADHD (although my family would argue this point when I was a kid). But I do have issues with feelings of inner restlessness, agitation, racing thoughts. My mind is always going, and doesn’t slow down long enough to really help me accomplish any one thing. This is probably the hardest thing for me to explain to people. Having an idea that I want to pursue is like being on a nonstop train and trying to jump off as you pass the station you wanted to get off at and explore.
Let me clear up some myths.
Myths & Facts about Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults
Myth: ADHD is just a lack of willpower. People with ADHD focus well on things that interest them; they could focus on any other tasks if they really wanted to.
Fact: ADHD looks very much like a willpower problem, but it isn’t. It’s essentially a chemical problem in the management systems of the brain.
Myth: Kids with ADHD can never pay attention.
Fact: Children with ADHD are often able to concentrate on activities they enjoy. But no matter how hard they try, they have trouble maintaining focus when the task at hand is boring or repetitive.
Myth: Everybody has the symptoms of ADHD, and anyone with adequate intelligence can overcome these difficulties.
Fact: ADHD affects people of all levels of intelligence. And although everyone sometimes has symptoms of ADHD, only those with chronic impairments from these symptoms warrant an ADHD diagnosis.
Myth: Someone can’t have ADHD and also have depression, anxiety, or other psychiatric problems.
Fact: A person with ADHD is six times more likely to have another psychiatric or learning disorder than most other people. ADHD usually overlaps with other disorders.
Myth: Unless you have been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD as a child, you can’t have it as an adult.
Fact: Many adults struggle all their lives with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. They haven’t received help because they assumed that their chronic difficulties, like depression or anxiety, were caused by other impairments that did not respond to usual treatment.
Source: Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults
ADD can cause many health problems too, which are associated with the various symptoms. These include: compulsive eating, substance abuse, anxiety, chronic stress and tension, and low self-esteem. Now, I have never had a self esteem issue. Hell, most people think I am a bit arrogant and have a decent sized ego. I think a lot of that comes from having trouble emotionally connecting to people, so I tend to act like I am better than them, even though I do not believe I am better than them.
In the end, for me ADD affects everything in my life especially my marriage as it can be difficult for my wife to deal with. And, it doesn’t help that the issues I cause and the symptoms I have just look like me screwing up or not caring more that it looks like an actual disorder. She has helped me greatly in changing my eating, getting healthier and kicking my addictions. But I feel bad that my issues cause her some many problems.
But the final ADD issue (or just the current one) is career. I am at the end of the career path I have been on for a long time. I am about to go through a major shift and am trying to find my way. As I was starting to talk about at the beginning of this, I would love to be a writer, then my location is no longer an issue. However, focusing on one area is not going to work. So, just trying to see if writing about anything that has my interest at the moment is really going to work. Will this approach help me gather a regular following? or am I destined to fail. I have one year to make this work. We will see.

