Do You Suffer From Accomplishment Amnesia?
I remember the day I walked across the stage with my Master’s degree. My husband, kids, and a few friends came and yelled my name embarrassingly loud from the stands. It was a huge accomplishment. I was only the second person to go to college and the very first to earn an advanced degree. But it didn’t feel like an accomplishment. In fact, on the ride home from the ceremony, I was trying to figure out how long it would take me to earn my PhD, because that was really the top of the mountain. I couldn’t go higher than that.
My entire life has been a constant race from one accomplishment to the next. I blame the gold star system in elementary school. It gave me that hit of dopamine that could only be found in the next gold star. But as I grew older, the dopamine hit from success stopped feeling like anything. Accomplishments big and small stopped mattering altogether. I was still earning gold stars, because that is what I was expected to do, but my focus shifted to the things I was not accomplishing. The things left on my task list at the end of the day became the only thing that mattered and I ceased being able to see just how much I was actually doing in a day.
Does this sound familiar?
If I asked you what you accomplished today, could you tell me? Or would you forget all the large and small accomplishments of the day in lieu of lamenting what you didn’t get done?
If this is you, then you have what I like to call, “Accomplishment Amnesia.” It doesn’t mean you haven’t had success during the day. It means you have become tone deaf to your successes or even just the things you completed and get to cross off your task list. I have been there and it is still a struggle to take a breath, take a break, and celebrate the things I have done at the end of the day.
The practice of celebrating you is a form of self-care. Celebrate the little things. Yes, you may not have got the dishes done today, but I kept my entire family dressed, fed, and emotionally supported for today. So I am going to make a little note on the things I didn’t get done, I will move them to tomorrow, and I will take a few minutes to celebrate another successful day.
Celebrate the big things! If you get a degree, celebrate. Buy cupcakes! Buy a celebratory pair of shoes, whatever floats your boat. Just take a pause and tell yourself you did good.
We would celebrate with our children and their successes. My own mother still talks about that time I landed that solo in the eighth grade honor choir. If we celebrate our kids, why wouldn’t we celebrate ourselves? The long and short of it is we stop paying into our cup. We don’t take care of ourselves like we would take care of other people. That has to change. If we want to start improving our neurodivergent struggle then we have to start practicing radical self-care.
Kick “Accomplishment Amnesia” in the face and start making a list of the things you did get done every day. If you have an ADHD Coach, send them a message every time you get something done. It doesn’t just keep you mindful of the things you have accomplished during the day, it is a way for your coach to remind you when you forget and start getting down on yourself for all the things you didn’t do. If you don’t have an ADHD Coach, then text yourself, or write it down on a piece of paper on your desk.
Adults spend so much time in a lack mentality that negativity becomes our go to mode. Just like a daily gratitude journal, a daily reminder of the things we accomplished will change your mindset. Pat yourself on the back for the things you completed and if you do something big, like land a new client or get a master’s degree, take more than five minutes to celebrate the win. And if you need help, come find me or one of my fellow coaches and we can show you how to take time to celebrate the good things you have done as well catch those things that slipped through the cracks of your to-do list.
