The Audacity To Be Authentic
It takes a level of bravery to stand out in a crowd. You are out there on your own being “different” for all the world to see. If you are neurodivergent, a lot of your life has been spent trying to fit into the socially acceptable status quo. We want to be accepted and we are scared to stand out because in the past we were told to tone it down, or that we were inappropriate or too much. And now that we are grown and aren’t standing awkwardly in some middle school cafeteria, there are a lot of us that like to stick out just to annoy the cookie cutter people.
But are you truly doing the things because you like to do the things…or are you doing the things to irritate other people?
Being authentic is about so much more than standing out just to stick it to society or annoy the “basic bitches” out there. It takes more than rebellion, or bravery, it takes audacity! Most people hear this word bandied about and think of rude or disrespectful behavior. The connotations of the word have shifted enough that many people have forgotten what else it can mean. I was a high school English teacher for many years and the amount of people walking around this world flinging words with reckless abandon grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. I hear Indigo Montoya in my head saying, “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.” Yes, audacity can mean rude or disrespectful behavior, it can even mean impudence. But there is another definition in the dictionary, one listed before any other. Audacity can mean courage or confidence of a kind that other people find shocking. It can be a willingness to take bold risks. But my absolute favorite one is, “unusually strong and especially rude confidence in yourself.”
While the last definition is funny albeit a bit problematic, I think it points to the larger issue. Society, as a whole, is a group of lemmings and sheep who march to the beat of a very specific drum and in a very specific direction. Anyone that has the bravery and boldness to step out of the crowd is labeled rude. The distinction is in the intent. I do not choose to step out of the crowd to upset the gentle sensibilities of the status quo. I choose to step out of the crowd because I like it.
I like to wear bright colors and put my hair in pigtails. I like to hula hoop whenever the mood strikes me, regardless if I am in public or not. I like to have different colored shoe laces and fun earrings. I like to talk about everything under the sun that interests me. I will spend hours researching things that no one else would. I memorized the Dewey Decimal system and use it as a code in almost everything I write. I like to do all of these things because they make me happy and that is the ultimate difference.
I do not rudely slap people in the face with my being. I simply exist and make myself happy in the process. If people have a problem with it…well, that is a “them” problem, not a “me” problem.
This was not a place I reached overnight. My quest for authenticity took years and was fraught with danger, heartache, and loneliness. I was the kid who was made fun of ruthlessly in school until I learned how to mask and be just like all the other cookie cutter people. I developed the ability to blend in with the stealth of a chameleon in a rainforest. I did all the right things and found success!
So what changed?
I had kids, smart mouth neurodivergent kids that questioned everything. I would never want them to hide who they are so I stopped hiding who I was. It is only scary for a little bit and then you start to own it. That is when you find your audacity and that is when you start to inspire others to step out of the crowd with you.
At a recent ADHD conference, my fellow coaches and I stepped out authentically. We wore tutus and fun shirts. We talked to everyone that would listen and we even taught a few people to hula hoop. We made our own little colorful crowd. Because at the end of the day it really isn’t about stepping out of the crowd to stand by yourself. It is about stepping out of the crowd to find yourself and when you truly find your authentic self, you will find your people. Do you have the audacity to try? If you need help finding yours, I am always here to help.
