You don’t have to do it alone — ADHD Community/Support and Why We Need It.
Were you ever the kid alone at the lunch table in the cafeteria? For some this was a very real part of our childhood and for others, we were an observer of the lonely. Either way, it fucking sucked. If you were one of these kids, then you remember what it was like to sit there all alone and pretend to read everything on every package in your lunch box just so you didn’t have to make eye contact with the other students. And if it was your lucky enough, some kid would walk up and ask if they could sit with you. The absolute relief in this situation is palpable. Do you feel it? Or can you remember it?
This is what being an adult with ADHD is like when you don’t have support in your life. It is lonely with a heaping sprinkle of shame on top. I remember the days prior to my diagnosis. I was so confused and no one I talked to seemed to understand a single thing I was explaining. I used to be a good student. I used to be the wife and mom that never forgot anything. I used to be able to keep my house moderately clean for company. But none of those things seemed to be true anymore. I was sinking in the quicksand of overwhelm and despair. What would happen to me when people realized that I couldn’t do all the things anymore?
My diagnosis was a huge relief. It wasn’t because I finally had an excuse for all the things I couldn’t do. It was because I had proof that I wasn’t going crazy or losing my mind or on the way to a category five break down. I had a place to start researching and for most of it, this quickly becomes a hyperfocus because we feel so damn validated. Sadly, I found out that a great many people in my life didn’t want to listen to me talk about my ADHD and shockingly, they just saw it as an excuse. I was right back to being the lonely kid in the lunchroom eating all by myself. I needed help and I needed it from someone who actually understood what I was going through.
It was a rather painstaking process and that was only eight years ago. I lucked into a therapist who worked with special needs students, parents, and teachers. For the first time in my life, when I told someone that I felt like a fraud, they didn’t blow it off or ignore me. She listened and helped me build systems to battle the overwhelm in my life. She taught me that I was seen, heard, and safe with my feelings about this journey. Simple structured routines changed my life. It changed the way I taught my own students and children. Here I thought I had to jump through all the hoops to be efficient and get things done and all I had to do was talk to someone who understood and could hold me accountable in a way that worked for me.
This absolutely changed my life and the life of so many others. Honestly, this is one of the reasons I help people with ADHD today. I never want anyone else to feel like that lonely kid at the lunch table. As much as we withdraw and isolate ourselves when we are overwhelmed, we need support from people who see us and understand us.
In fact, the universe reminded me of this lesson just yesterday. I have been struggling with brain fog and efficiency all week. My family hadn’t noticed. My counselor hadn’t noticed but in fairness, I only see her every two weeks. But one of my fellow ADHD coaches noticed. It was a simple text, “hey, are you doing okay?” and when I gave the standard response of, “oh yeah, I’m fine,” she didn’t buy it.
We talked, texted, and met on Zoom for a while. She made me feel seen, safe, and heard. She reminded me that dropping a work responsibility occasionally happens. But more than that she wanted to make sure I was okay. Honestly, it was a little jarring. I couldn’t hide inside myself. I finally vented my frustration with a few things, and she had really simple suggestions. Because that is normally all we need. We need support. We need someone to hold the space for us to process things we have been repressing. And we need someone to remind us of the fairly simple fixes that we have been overlooking in our frustration.
ADHDers and Neurodivergents need support. We need people that understand our brains and hold us accountable in ways that make sense to us. We need people who can pull us out of our own heads when we get overwhelmed and stuck in survival mode. I strive to provide this level of support to my clients and fellow Neurodivergents because this is the kind of support I needed and still need. If you are struggling or relate to any of this and need support, the coaches at The Original ADHD Coach can help. We built a community just for you, so no one will ever have to be alone at the lunch table again.
