Why I Stopped Working on Weaknesses

From the time we’re very small — kindergarten age, for most of us — we begin hearing about our weaknesses and how to improve in those areas. There’s little, if any, talk of building our strengths.

This is especially true for kids with ADHD, who can hear up to 20,000 more negative messages about themselves than their neurotypical peers — and that’s all before the age of 12. Such consistently negative messaging takes its toll, not least on self-esteem and confidence.

It’s an easy assumption to make: find weak spots and make them stronger for an overall sturdy composition.

But what if those folks have it all wrong?

What if it’s more effective to identify intrinsic character strengths and build upon them?

Even the earliest research in positive psychology tells us that the deficit-based approach suppresses creativity, openness and growth. On the other hand, beginning from strength bolsters innovation, openness and creativity.

Starting from strength builds a solid foundation of positive self-image. Knowing we possess character traits that are appreciated by those around us helps cement a feeling that we are capable and valued in the world. From this foundation of positive self-image, we can begin to address any skill gaps that exist.

Here’s a personal example:

Before we learned that my son had Dyslexia and ADHD, we got calls from school about his lack of focus, his weakness in reading, his reluctance to do schoolwork, etc. (If you have or were a student with this learning style, you know exactly what I’m talking about.) Naturally, teachers had talked to him about all these things before reaching out to parents. They were all well-meaning people who wanted to help — and did so by pointing out areas of deficit and “growth opportunities.” The light was disappearing from his eyes bit by bit; his smiles became less frequent by the day.

No one was talking about what he was already really good at doing — things like creative problem solving, empathy and leadership, persistence and more. But when we started learning about his strengths — and when we started reflecting and praising those strengths to him — he grew into a feeling of confidence. He felt stronger, more understood, more competent against even daunting challenges. It was only then that we could begin to address the lagging skills behind all those calls home from the school.

Knowing our intrinsic strengths helps us understand ourselves, understand other people, and to be understood by those around us. Such knowledge benefits every area of life: relationships, achievement, stress tolerance, physical health, satisfaction with life, our sense of meaning or purpose, and overall engagement with any endeavor. It’s no wonder, then, that it’s an integral part of developing people, whether through coaching, professional development, or education.

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