A TikTok Dating Coach That Wants To Help Women of Color Marry Rich
Meet May Kalinu, the self-proclaimed “spoiled girl dating coach and matchmaker” who is dishing luxury dating advice to her 300,000 TikTok followers
May Kalinu has some unconventional dating advice for her “spoiled girls”: seek high value providers, never split the bill 50/50, and make sure your engagement ring is at least three month’s worth of your partner’s salary. The 26-year-old is a self-proclaimed dating coach for women of color who want to marry up; the “spoiled girls” are her 300,000 TikTok followers.
Three years ago, Kalinu was working full-time at a marketing and public relations agency. Then COVID-19 hit, she was laid off, and she started posting career networking advice and self-care tips on TikTok. But her followers started inquiring about her dating life — so she rebranded. She shared her lived experience with New York City’s luxury dating scene — where $15,000 dinners are comped by OPM (other people’s money) and your partner tends to front all your lavish expenses. The followers piled in. Kalinu also often posts about her own high value provider: her fiance.
Throughout our chat, Kalinu teeters an odd contradiction of encouraging women to seek self-sufficiency and a provider. Although the two don’t really go hand-in-hand, Kalinu makes a case for it.
Where did you learn about luxury dating and when did you personally start prioritizing finding an affluent and “high value provider”?
… In college I gave a lot of different people a chance…I was in a 50/50 relationship with this guy. Pretty normal for college. I came from a well off background, so I ended up paying for the rent and he would pay the small bills, and then we would split dinners 50/50. And then he ended up cheating on me.
I felt like I was putting a lot of money into the relationship and also vested time and my interests and everything and was really just focused on him to be honest… Afterwards, I was like, I’m never doing that again. I’m not going to give myself up for a man. I’m not going to give up my hobbies, my routine, the stuff that I like to do for a man. And I also will not pay for a man in any way.
… So from that I was like, okay, well now I wanna be a little bit more well off by myself and making it on my own. I want the person that I date to also be doing that as well and just providing for themselves so we can be self-sufficient humans by ourselves. And then we can come together as a couple.
So do you advise women to be self-sufficient and find someone who is also self-sufficient?
Yes, definitely. I mean, now granted my fiance pays for everything, but when we first started dating, I had a well paying job as well and I was able to come from a place of abundance where I’m not scared this guy is the meaning of my rent… Dating should be seen as a luxury and not when you are worried about making food on the table and really pinching pennies and struggling and grinding.
You call yourself the “spoiled girl dating coach and matchmaker for women of color who want to marry rich.” What motivated you to work with women of color?
I just personally relate more to the cultural stuff that happens with women of color. So, for instance, being a single mom or being raised by a single mom, or being a child of an immigrant, or being in an immigrant kind of culture — these are very common stories that play out in a person of color’s life.
I feel like I can really speak on the experiences about that in my own life… versus somebody who has grown up in a mostly white suburban neighborhood who has been in this kind of crowd and I just don’t relate to that. I will not have a dad who has been to Brown who has friends all over from Brown who I can use that network with. I have a network of other people of color who believe in other people of color’s business to support minorities and support each other.
You make a lot of TikToks about “spoiling yourself” before going to places where you can meet a high value provider — like golf courses, crypto events, horse races. What’s your thinking here? What’s a typical game plan for a client?
So the first session is a lot about confidence and talking about the issues they feel like they have and giving them space to talk about their dating history and everything that they’ve went through in the past and giving them exercises on how to build confidence such as working out, journaling or like affirmations…
…Usually the second time around we’re talking about etiquette or dressing… with a person of color lens in a white dominated space… So we talk about easy, casual outfits to wear at either the golf club or the museum.
The third coaching session we’re talking about how to talk to people, what to talk about. I think traditionally, back in the day, this would be pickup lines, but I don’t really view it that way. I think of it a bit more like a cultural lesson… For example, if they wanted to go to the MOMA we’d be looking at modern artists and going over like the big ones so that they’re more familiar about it; so when they go on a date there, they have stuff to talk about.
Your dating technique is fairly retro; it sort of reminds me of the 50s and 60s when people would say women were attending college to get an MRS degree (a.k.a she was in college looking for a husband). Why do you think this is a good strategy for women today, when women are making significant strides in labor and education?
I don’t think it’s necessarily good or bad, it’s really about preference. I think that women who prefer this tend to want to do a lot more of the household stuff and they gravitate towards cooking, cleaning, and that’s natural for them. They want to make the home look pretty. I feel like that is a very common trait for women sometimes… But if they’re in this like dual income, no kid situation where they’re both working all the time and then she’s expected to also cook and clean and also to make up the home — it’s a lot of responsibility that society hasn’t really shifted over to the men in that home when you both work at the same time.
What’s the long term goal of your dating technique?
It’s not all about staying home. I think that part of it really is the clickbait part of it. It draws a lot of people in. People are more interested about me staying home and the dynamic of what my fiance makes and how he’s able to afford me staying home… That’s the controversial and taboo part of it. But at the end of the day what I really stand for is letting women of color have standards in society… I think a lot of people, when they hear having these standards up front, they’ll say, oh, you’re a gold digger, or you just wanna stay home and do this other stuff. But in reality, it’s like, yeah, I’m staying home, but I’m also building my coaching business, building my matchmaking business, I’m online on TikTok every single day, posting, giving advice. I’m not just staying home, like I’m online constantly. I’m posting content all the time.
