The Faults of the Mental Health Care System

Inside the experience of someone struggling with mental health. Steven Carson shares his tumultuous experience with mental health care.

Mental health is more important now than ever. With the pandemic and this on and off isolation we are all keenly aware of our mental state. After being forced to sit with ourselves many of us have decided to look into mental health services. While these services can be lifesaving, it doesn’t mean they aren’t flawed.

26-year-old Steven Carson has struggled with his mental health all his life. Growing up as a troubled teen in Melbourne, Australia Carson always felt out of place. His parents were ghosts; they neglected him and wished they had never had him and so Carson wished he was never born. Throughout his life Carson has faced many obstacles and seen enough therapists to know how hard it is to receive mental health care. His experiences were enough to make him hate doctors. While he believes taking care of your mental health is important, he believes therapy is a sham.

Why do you hate doctors?

Carson: They’re a bunch of pricks. I’ve had a few good experiences with doctors, especially psychiatrists. They can be very judgmental, especially with how I am.

What do you mean by that?

Carson: I’m very temperamental, I can flip my lid in a second. I’ve always been that way.

Why do you think that is?

Carson: My parents I’ve been angry at them probably since the day I was born. My family has always been against me and so I’ve always felt like I was teamed up against.

Is that why you started therapy?

Carson: I was a delinquent. I was angry all the time, my parents neglected me and they used me acting out against them to say that I had a problem. But who wouldn’t act out when your parents say they wish they never had you. I went into therapy because of how much I was acting out.

How was it growing up seeing therapists?

Carson: I was always seen as a troublemaker, the class clown, I wasn’t taken seriously. I was in and out of therapy until I was 16 and then I was old enough to decide against it. The doctors always tried to diagnose me. First it was just behavioral issues, then it was bipolar disorder, then borderline personality disorder, it was never ending, and no one ever made up their mind. They gave me so many different meds and nothing worked. I either felt worse or felt nothing.

Why did you have so many different diagnoses?

Carson: A lot of symptoms of these disorders were the same and I was angry and depressed. I really think they were just trying to find something that would stick.

So what happened after you were able to stop seeing therapists?

Carson: I was already headed downhill. I felt like no one believed in me and I had no one. I was in with the wrong crowd drinking and drugged out of my mind. I became a dealer for a while. And I was just in a dark hole for years. My physical health got so bad I ended up getting diabetes.

How did that happen?

Carson: When I was on drugs, I swung between being malnourished to overeating excessively. So my body had enough of it and now I have to take insulin for the rest of my life.

How has your diabetes affected your mental health and vice versa?

Carson: I have a lot of health complications not just from my diabetes but from my accident. So I’m in the hospital a lot. Sometimes I let my sugar get too low and I end up hypoglycemic. I try to keep up with it as best as I can. Being in the hospital is the bane of my existence.

You mentioned you had an accident. Would you mind telling me about that?

Carson: A few years ago, I was at a low point, and I was driving and driving, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I ended up driving full speed into a tree. I’m lucky I’m alive. My spine was shattered, I had so many broken bones. All my teeth were completely out of my mouth lost in the grass. I was in the hospital for a while. It was definitely a wakeup call. They had me see a psychiatrist. I was on medication for a while, I still am for my sleep.

I can’t even begin to imagine how that felt. Was this a time where therapy felt welcome?

Carson: Definitely not, it may have been needed but it wasn’t welcome they just wanted to put me on a bunch of meds. I just did enough so that I could get out and try to recover on my own. At that point I had realized how badly I fucked up. I knew I couldn’t keep on the way I was.

Do you think you’d ever get into therapy again?

Carson: No. I think some people need it and it helps them but for me because of my past experiences it’s just not an option. I have too much distrust in them. Maybe if my experiences had been different, I would be able to stomach it but no.