Discovering Paradise
I remember on my first trip to Bali waking up half drunk from a three day bender. Visiting this tiny Indonesian island for the perfect surf trip was a dream of mine, but I had spent most of my time drinking Bintangs and listening to cover bands in the backpacker bars of Kuta beach. I wasn’t partying to have a good time, but I was drowning my sorrowers. I thought visiting paradise would magically make me feel better.
One of my favorite scenes from the movie The Beach is when Richard, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, visits Bangkok for the first time. Instead of encountering a world of new experiences he witnesses herds of other backpackers grouped together in an air-conditioned building watching movies. He says, “We all travel thousands of miles just to watch TV and check in to somewhere with all the comforts of home, and you gotta ask yourself, what is the point of that?”
For years I searched the globe for that flawless beach, life changing experience, or spiritual epiphany. Sometimes I found it for a moment. But like a perfect sunset or a first kiss, it didn’t last forever. Regardless of how amazing the location, it never made me feel whole and sooner or later the ball would unravel and trouble would brew — either externally or internally.
Instead of experiencing the joy of traveling I would fall back into comfortable routines of home spending more time partying than exploring. Despite the effort, cost, and time it took to get to my destination it was impossible to shake my displeasure.
New start. New town. New people. Same trouble.
The act of traveling is one of the greatest experiences in life. However, traveling to discover a paradise where the cares and worries of the world disappear is an act of futility. No matter where you go, your troubles follow with you. Socrates wrote, “Why do you wonder that globe-trotting does not help you, seeing that you always take yourself with you? The reason which set you wandering is ever at your heels.”
The irony is that it wasn’t paradise but the rainy days, canceled flights, insane taxi drivers, and just plan bad days that made me realize how good I have it. Experiencing new cultures, people, and locations is a gift — even when everything goes wrong. It wasn’t until I woke up to reality that paradise exists within and not some far off destination. As the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote,
You are not journeying; you are drifting and being driven, only exchanging one place for another, although that which you seek — to live well — is found everywhere.
My biggest trouble was accepting myself in the present. I couldn’t enjoy the moment because I was upset about my failings in the past and not living up to personal expectations for the future. I hated myself for not being what I know I can be.
For nearly a decade I drifted, until I made a conscious decision to enjoy the journey. Although I am hardwired to be impatient and bred in a culture of instant gratification it wasn’t until I embraced the hardships and joys of daily life that I felt whole.
Travel will forever be a passion of mine. No longer for the escape, but the thrill of experiencing something different. I don’t think I will stop visiting dive bars or clubs, but it should be to enjoy my time and not drown my sorrows. This realization does not come easy for me and living abroad is a daily lesson.
I didn’t my paradise in a faraway land or tropical beach. In the end it was in my head. Like the last lines from The Beach, “I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look for. Because it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re a part of something. And if you find that moment… It lasts forever.”
If you have a similar experience, I’d love to hear from you!
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Thanks for reading — my name is Phil Luza. I am a Japan based adventure capitalist and I encourage others to follow their bliss and live like a hero. You can read more on my Medium publication and be sure to join the newsletter here
