Fear Anger and Powerlessness: Commonalities of the Pandemic and the Classics
Throughout the year of 2020 all of humanity has come to a halt due the COVID- 19 pandemic. This has been a large-scale human experience that has put everyone at the mercy of social distancing, face coverings and only seeing loved ones at a distance or through screens. During this time, we have seen the extremes of people being laid off as businesses try to stay afloat, and a high demand on the time of essential employees that must continue to work to ensure others can attain their needs. Since March I have been one of these essential employees since I work in an assisted living facility specializing in the care of elderly people with dementia. During the pandemic, I have had to push aside my thoughts, feelings, and fears for the sake of the residents I work with. I have also had to interact carefully with families to combat any anxiety and fears they may be experiencing with the constant news of the changing stats related to COVID-19 cases. However, during this time I have experienced a monsoon of emotions ranging from anger, panic, and powerlessness.
My coworkers and I had a new set of expectations assigned to us at the onset of the pandemic at work including: showers and bed baths usually done by third party hospice staff, extra routine cleaning, and maintaining social distancing between individuals that can’t remember we are in a pandemic. We were also at greater risk of exposure to the SARS- CoV-2 virus because we still had third party health care professionals entering our facility. Even though we had to take on these extra responsibilities and were at greater risk of exposure since March we were not granted hazard pay until mid-October when we had our first positive case of COVID in our building. These actions by the cooperation I work for continued to propagate the idea that we were all replaceable and were truly of no value to the company, which was incredibly outraging.
After we had our first positive case of COVID in the building I quickly contracted the virus and had to isolate for a week and a half. During my isolation I struggled to breath, couldn’t enjoy food form loss of taste and had the company of only myself day after day. I additionally had a great increase in anxiety due to the loss of income to myself, my boyfriend and our roommate who also had to quarantine due to possible exposure (they never tested positive which is why I had to be isolated while they just needed to quarantine). With all those concerns panic set in as the future became less and less clear.
The most prevalent feeling I have had during the pandemic is powerlessness. I’ve had to sit by and watch as families are forced to distance to protect one another; I’ve watched as my residents sit confused, wondering why their loved one is talking to them through a window instead of coming inside; I’ve watch as a resident I cared for was loaded into an ambulance because of complications related to COVID. In all this instances, I have felt that I was forced to watch as more sad moments occur and there is nothing I can do to stop it. When talking with the families of resident I put on an act of cheery optimism but in reality, I feel that we are on a roller-coaster that’s going to get crazier before it gets better.
Throughout The Penelopiad By Margaret Atwood there is more than one instance in which Penelope feels scared and powerless. In chapter 12, titled “Waiting”, Penelope discusses her thoughts and feelings about being alone in Ithaca while Odysseus is at war in Troy. She speaks of the news they receive from the front through minstrels and travelers as they pass through Ithaca till finally, as stated in the book, “the hoped-for news arrived: the Greek ships had set sail for home” This line sounds cheerful and full of hope. However, Atwood Moves to the next line and writes, “and then, nothing” (The Penelopiad, page 43). What was once a cheery line has switched to an unknowing and nerve-racking fate. At this point, Penelope knows her husband should be on his way home but now he must face the trials of ocean tides as well as the many figures that attempt to stand in his way. She continues to listen to any news that comes her way, “Any rumor was better than none, however, so I listened avidly to all. But after several more years the rumors stopped coming altogether: Odysseus seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth.” (The Penelopiad, page 47). First there were fears of him not returning home safely, then the fear of him not returning at all sets in. In Penelope’s case, and my own, we both experience fear because of an unknown future.
In addition to fear, Penelope also faces great powerlessness before and after Odysseus’s leaving. Prior to Odysseus’s departure Penelope didn’t have very much authority within the palace, “After a time I became more accustomed to my new home, although I had little authority within it, what with Eurycleia and my mother-in-law running all domestic matters and making all household decisions” (The Penelopiad, page 40). With her mother-in-law and Eurycleia in the mix, Penelope had very little responsibility or choice over how she would proceed from day to day even with her own son. “I soon found it was more peaceful just to keep out of things, and to confine myself to caring for Telemachus, when Eurycleia would let me” (The Penelopiad, page 40). During her early time in Ithaca Odysseus was her only safe haven between the push and pull she experienced from her mother-in-law and Eurycleia, and as a result she did everything she could to keep Odysseus home when Helen left with Paris. In chapter 11, titled “Helen Ruins my Life”, Penelope recounts the events before Odysseus is forced to leave. As recounted by Penelope, “I swore the oath,’ said Odysseus. ‘In fact, the oath was my idea. It would be difficult for me to get out of it now.” (The Penelopiad, page 42). As a result, Penelope is powerless and at the mercy of the actions of her cousin, Helen, and the oath taken by her husband, Odysseus. If given any control over the situation she would have stopped Helen or Odysseus. Penelope says “Why couldn’t she have led a normal life? “ In reference to Helen, (The Penelopiad, page 42) and “I thought I was being very clever when I offered to accompany the three visitors to the field to witness this pitiful sight. ‘You’ll see,’ I said, weeping. ‘He no longer recognizes me, or even our little son!’ I carried the baby along with me to make the point” about her and Odysseus’s attempt to keep him home (The Penelopiad, page 43). These quotes show that if given a choice, Penelope would have halted both Helen’s and Odysseus’s departure to Troy. In my own life, I would have felt more power if the cooperation I work for took the needs of the caregivers more seriously and listened to workers that work directly with residents.
We also see another female character struggle with anger and powerlessness in The Aeneid. This character is Dido, the Queen of Carthage and a lover of Aeneas. An alliance was created between Juno and Venus which would lead to the idea of these two getting married. However, Aeneas is pulled away from Dido by fate and as a result he leaves her shores early one morning. This leads Dido to feeling a great sense of rage towards Aeneas to the point that she curses him. “I shall die unavenged but die I will! So — so — — I rejoice to make my way among the shades. And may the heartless Dardan, far at sea, drink down deep the site of our fires here and bear with him this omen of our death! (The Aeneid, Book 4, page 150). In her fit of rage, Dido does the only thing she can think of which is to commit Aeneas to the worst fate she can by cursing him.
After she has cursed Aeneas, she then takes her own life. This shows just how powerless she was in the face of the future coming towards her. After Aeneas has told her that he will be leaving she recollects all the things that she has lost by building an alliance with him and eventually says “thanks to you, my sense of honor is gone, my one and only pathway to the stars” (The Aeneid, Book 4, page 138). Without her honor, she has no guide as to how to continue her life. She feels powerless to the mercy of Aeneas and the fear she still harbors for the idea that thousands of suitors could be crashing through her gates again at any moment. Dido then thinks of her brothers who would breakdown her city and make her a slave. However, after these thoughts have been brought onto her by the actions of Aeneas, she still states, “if only you’d left a baby in my arms — our child — before you deserted me! Some little Aeneas playing about our halls, whose features at least would it bring you back to me in spite of all, I would not feel so totally devastated, so destroyed “(The Aeneid, Book 4, page 138). Even though it sounds like Dido wishes for a child to keep the memory of Aeneas it is also important to remember, as we saw throughout Roman history, that mothers had strong influence over the actions of their sons. So, Dido’s longing for a child could also be a longing for some of the power that has just been taken away from her. This passage once again shows how terrible of a position Aeneas has put Dido in resulting in her feeling powerless against all odds. Like Dido in both of these cases, I have felt angered and powerless because of the position I have been put in by the company I work for and as result I have avoided schoolwork at times, which was an unwise action like those of Dido.
Between these two characters I think one has some better lessons to offer than the other. When faced with fear for her husband’s life, Penelope did not let that fear stop her from learning how to push forward and manage Odysseus’s holdings. In a sense, she is not letting the fear of her husband being lost outweigh the hope that he will return to her. On the other hand, when Dido is faced with anger, she retaliates by cursing Aeneas. In Dido’s case, when she was feeling a negative emotion she lashed out and hurt other people. I think both these pieces show us how we do have some control over our actions when faced with dilemmas. We can choose to act out of aggression and hurt other people or we can be more optimistic and hopeful in a way that is fruitful for many people.
When observing these characters in their power struggles, I once again think Penelope did a better job at managing her actions towards others and herself. When Penelope was faced with lack of power she found “work arounds”. When she felt powerless against her mother-in-law and Eurycleia she would find ways to positively interact with her son and her husband. Even though she felt powerless with Odysseus leaving, she did not let that feeling of powerlessness allow the suitors to take over her life. She found a way to stall them through her craft. On the other hand, when Dido is put in a position of powerlessness, she fantasies about power through a theoretical son she would have wanted with Aeneas and ultimately takes her own life. However, in Dido defense she did have some greater consequences coming her way than Penelope did. However, I don’t think that Dido’s actions are smart ones to follow for obvious reasons. On the other hand, Penelope is innovative and thoughtfully deliberate in her actions to manifest the small amount of agency she has left. I think this is a good lesson specifically for today’s life because one of the greatest joys I’ve experienced during the pandemic is when my coworkers come up with new creative activities for our residents and new ways for them to interact with their families.
Overall, I think both of these characters have lessons we can still learn from today about how to react during negative experiences. Dido has shown us that when faced with anger and the feeling of powerlessness we may make rash and drastic decisions. Penelope displayed cunning and thoughtful tactics in which she out maneuvered those that would threaten her future. Some of these lessons have actions we may want to be a part of and some actions we may want to avoid, however, they are all lessons nonetheless.
