Finding Home: An Epic Journey
Tell Your Story
Going to college was supposed to be the beginning of my independence and my own personal era of prosperity.
I grew up in a divorced household where my dad was always much more strict than my mother, especially towards me, the oldest. I have been told to be the role model and lead by example more times than I can count to the point that I was essentially forced into concealing my feelings. Despite the deep-rooted separation anxiety I had growing up and my overly-emotional nature, I had to play the role of the resilient older sister in the presence of my three younger siblings. My dad’s most famous words any time I showed any sign of tears were “suck it up”.
Fast forward to the recent past, I assumed that my father’s tough love would do me more good than harm as I entered the new stage in my life: finding my independence and leading a life of my own in college. Unfortunately, my “crying is wrong” mentality and tough facade have provided no help in finding my place in the world, my new home. The mature independence that did me so much good growing up is no longer helping me as I often conceal my desire to weep for the home I know and love. Especially now, with the pandemic making me fear that every time I get to see my family it will be the last, it has made it much more difficult to assume the role of someone who is thriving and finding their new home.
My first semester of college has been extremely stressful and anxiety-ridden, to say the least; however, I have found a certain solace in a class I did not anticipate to value so high. My Western Civilization Literature class has introduced me to timeless works of literature and has fostered a connection so deep between the works and me, that I will be sure to cherish the teachings of this class for years to come.
Although I was always aware of the grand epics, The Iliad, Odyssey, and Aeneid, I never assumed that I would actually find myself immersed in the texts and touched by the words. I particularly found a deep connection forming between myself and the seemingly doomed Odysseus as well as the troubled Trojan warrior, Aeneas.
Throughout the first half of the Odyssey, Odysseus appears to be a character who is eternally lost and pining for home. To the outside reader, it almost seems the whole world is against him. From the cyclops, Polyphemus, to the great losses due to shipwreck, Odysseus has endured a great deal of suffering, all simply to return to the home he loves. Odysseus makes this known especially when he notes to Calypso, “I long — I pine, all my days — to travel home and see the dawn of my return” (Odyssey Book 5 lines 242–243).
No matter how long it has taken to get to Calypso’s island, Odysseus makes it clear that he is willing to endure any number of troubles to simply see his sweet home, Ithaca, again. Odysseus’s resilient nature is something I strive to have. Instead of crumbling down in the face of adversity, he rises to the challenge and speaks, “Much have I suffered, labored long and hard by now in the waves and wars. Add this to the total — bring the trial on!” (Odyssey Book 5 lines 246–248).
Despite Calypso’s warnings and desires to keep Odysseus for herself, Odysseus is allowed to finally venture home. Calypso’s island very well could have been a new, welcoming home for Odysseus, but nothing quite compares to the home the main character strives to reach.
Odysseus’ pining for home reminds me a lot of myself in the current social climate. Everyone around me seems to have their lives figured out, whether that is true or not, I cannot positively say, but I know that I have struggled, like Odysseus, to find my home. I started off in the residence halls of UW Madison, and it was alright, but like Calypso’s island, it was not quite my home. Although I could have given it a chance and allowed myself to dive into everything college life has to offer, like how Odysseus could have settled and made a life for himself with Calypso, Witte Residence Hall was not even close to the Ithaca I was searching for.
The King of Ithaca’s grand return home was not even that grand. Odysseus had been home for quite some time before anybody even knew he was, and it took a while for the land’s king to even notice he had returned home. Odysseus was left utterly confused and lost because “to the king himself all Ithaca looked strange” (Odyssey Book 13 line 221).
After years of traveling and enduring cruel hardships, the weathered Odysseus has returned home but is unable to even rejoice. While walking along the familiar, yet strange shores of Ithaca, “he wept for his native country, trailing down the shore where the wash of sea on shingle ebbs and flows, his homesick heart in turmoil” (Odyssey Book 13 lines 249–251). Even upon returning home, Ithaca’s king still continues to face numerous hardships.
The slaughter of the suitors, the secret disguise Odysseus donned, and the overwhelming changes of Ithaca all highlight the sufferings even the king must bear in order to finally re-establish his home. Odysseus’ Ithaca has changed beyond imagination to the point that a new home must be born out of the old Ithaca’s ashes.
Odysseus’ strifes resonate greatly within me, for I know that Madison will eventually feel like my home; I just have to be patient, endure the inevitable struggles, and wait until the disguising mist is lifted.
After putting down the Odyssey for the final time of the semester, I picked up the Aeneid nearly just as quickly. I was struck by how much I ironically found a home within the pages of Virgil’s epic and how much I took a liking to the main character, Aeneas.
To anyone else first reading the Aeneid, Aeneas may come off as nothing more than one of the bold founding figures of Rome, but I grew to love Aeneas in a way that surprised even myself.
More than anything, I was drawn to the vulnerability that was often shown within the epic hero’s heart. Although he is undoubtedly one of the most persistent and determined characters I have ever encountered in literature, I got the feeling that Aeneas and I are much more alike than I thought I could ever admit. Aeneas was truly the first character of all the epics I have read that I felt I could truly relate to.
Aeneas, like myself, struggles to find his own home and place in the world throughout the Aeneid. If having to leave your beloved and destroyed home behind is not enough to worry oneself about finding a new place to develop roots, I honestly do not know what is.
Trying to brace his fellow comrades from Troy about the journey ahead and motivating them with hopes of a new homeland, Aeneas even describes the horrid obstacles they have faced while journeying away from Troy when he states, “My comrades, hardly strangers to pain before now, we all have weathered worse […] A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this […] Bear up. Save your strength for better times to come” (Aeneid Book 1 lines 233–244).
Virgil is showing how tough the journey to settle down and uncover one’s new home may be. The Aeneid is full of trying journeys beginning with the uprooting of Troy and describing the difficulties surrounding a grand homecoming. Well, in this case, a grand opening of a new home that the Trojans are left to discover.
Aside from having to fight a brutal war near the end of the epic, one of the most wearisome troubles Aeneas faces is the constant reminder of what used to be his home. While looking at a well-crafted piece of art depicting the fall of Troy, Aeneas is troubled by the haunting nature of his homeland’s past; he questions, “Is there anywhere, any place on earth not filled with our ordeals […] even here, the world is a world of tears and the burdens of mortality touch the heart” (Aeneid Book 1 lines 555–559). Like many college students, including me, facing the challenges of starting our new lives in such exasperating and worrisome times, the constant thought of home often weighs on our minds.
It is at this point that I truly connected and was touched by Aeneas’s vulnerability and was reminded that despite his heroic nature, he is still human. Aeneas, like myself, seems to hide his emotions and any worries he has. Whether it’s just being a good role model for those around him or stereotypical masculinity, Aeneas still “assumes a look of hope and keeps his anguish buried in his heart” regardless of the “mounting cares” and worries troubling his mind (Aeneid Book 1 lines 245–246). Like Aeneas, I have kept a lot of my fears buried even though it is okay to be scared of change and finding a new home.
Feeling lost or outcast from the world does not mean that one will never find where they belong, and it is okay to be anxious when you are unsure where your home lies.
College has been overwhelming and draining. Online classes and being away from home have made everything much more challenging as well as isolating. With the pandemic raging on, I shudder to think that any time I see my family, it may be the last. These fears make leaving home even more difficult and make me apprehensive to even begin building roots somewhere new.
Aeneas is also disconnected from many of his hometown friends and family. Of course, I cede to the fact that Aeneas lost many of those close to him to the grim Kingdom of the Dead, but going on without family makes finding a new home much more strenuous just the same.
Aeneas travels down to the Kingdom of the Dead in order to be reunited with his father once again. There are so many times I wish I could hug my mother or joke with my siblings in person, but, nevertheless, I am still too far away to make that happen. Aeneas’s own inability to hug his father nearly brought me to tears as a reminder that I am unable to feel the embrace of my own mother.
Once again, Aeneas’s vulnerability and tenderness are on display when he attempts to hug his father but cannot and weeps. Virgil describes the sorrowful scene by writing, “So Aeneas pleaded, his face streaming tears. Three times he tried to fling his arms around his neck, three times he embraced — nothing… The phantom sifting through his fingers, light as wind, quick as a dream in flight” (Aeneid Book 6 lines 807–811). Not being able to find solace among loved ones only makes the journey to find a new home that much more strenuous.
Aeneas is unable to make the connection to everything familiar to him; however, his father still provides him with encouraging advice to go on without him. Leaving his life behind with aspirations to inspire generations of something much bigger than himself, Aeneas still trudges on determined to construct his new home.
Within the bigger picture of the epic, Aeneas ultimately uncovers the key to his future happiness and success, Rome. The soft side I had grown to love fades as Aeneas parallels the rage-filled Achilles in battle, striving to make his presence known and, above all, permanent. All of the wearing events that occurred up to Aeneas’ raging break, ultimately highlight the stress of making one’s home. Aeneas had grown tired of searching for somewhere to call his own, and his desires consumed him to the point of murderous rage in the heat of war.
Regardless of the tiresome adventures Aeneas underwent in order to bring him to the point of success, the Aeneid shows that there is always a home waiting to be found… Sometimes it just takes a little boldness and determination to get there.
Both Aeneas and Odysseus are generally characterized as strong and intelligent with the spirit of a leader. Many often strive to reach their level of honor and to be admired just as much for it, but I feel that Odysseus and Aeneas tell a much different story.
Both men are simply in search of one thing: home.
Although their dauntless nature may lead to images of stereotypical masculinity and aggressive battles for power, both men are still human. They weep over their loved ones and the memories they leave behind. They often bury their fears and feelings of anguish. Most importantly, they too must endure the struggles of leaving one’s home behind and forging a new one even when it seems like the whole world is against them.
My story may not encompass nearly half the troubles Odysseus and Aeneas face, but the messages still parallel one another significantly. Whether it be the familiar Ithaca, the fallen Troy, or my hometown of Mukwonago, leaving one’s old life to try and create a new one may seem treacherous or unobtainable, but if the Aeneid and the Odyssey taught me anything, it is that you belong somewhere. You just have to be patient, and your home will reveal itself to you when the time is right.
This piece was written by Isabella Hartel, a student at UW Madison and lover of classic literature.
