Finding Solace in the Classics When Overwhelmed
On day twelve thousand seven hundred and three of 2020, I had an epiphany. I am overwhelmed, but not the temporary overwhelmed when three papers are due during finals week. Rather, the tumultuous year of 2020 has brought my personal problems to the very surface of my consciousness. For years I have had stressors build up in my system, and now that such a shock has come upon me I am forced to confront my own demons. In order to fully understand my own issues, I will attempt to relate to the epic past and the stories of Achilles and Odysseus in the Iliad and Odyssey respectively. I shall spend this essay exploring the time between the end of high school and finals week of my first semester of college. The discussion will follow how I have become overwhelmed and how I intend to overcome the obstacles in front of me.
After Odysseus completes his arduous ten-year journey back from Troy, he returns to find his home in ruin. When he confronts the terrible suitors who invaded his hearth, he says, “You dogs! You never imagined I’d return from Troy — so cocksure that you bled my house to death, ravished my serving women, — wooed my wide behind my back while I was still alive! No fear of the gods who rule the skies up there, no fear that men’s revenge might arrive someday — now all your necks are in the noose — your doom is sealed!” (Odyssey, Book 22, pg. 442) With pent-up rage, Odysseus goes on a killing spree throughout the hall and murders nearly everyone who had been a touch disloyal over the past twenty years. Perhaps killing one or two evil suitors to send a message would have been appropriate, but Odysseus has so much built-up stress it emerges as a literal slaughter. This pent up emotion from years of strife and harrow is what I felt upon finally graduating high school.
For nearly a decade I had been told that finishing school with good grades was one of the most important matters in life. No matter how many times my grades slipped, my parents made sure I worked and worked until the grades rose again. I spent night after night toiling away in stress in an effort to improve; while I did improve, my improvements set a false set of expectations. I expected my stress to melt away as soon as high school ended. Much like Odysseus, I expected things to be okay when my journey ended. As shocking as it may sound, my stress did not magically disappear when high school ended. Unlike Odysseus, I did not have a maniac rage, but I showed signs of stress in other ways. I began to resent going to my part-time job, I did not exercise as much as I wanted to, and I became disinterested in practicing my trumpet. However, I still held out for the future; putting high school behind me, I looked towards the future.
In order to finally reach his homeland, Odysseus descends to the underworld to receive a prophecy from the ghost of a prophet, Tiresias. Tiresias begins his prophecy by stating that Odysseus desires “A sweet smooth journey home, renowned Odysseus, that is what you seek but a god will make it hard for you — I know — you will never escape the one who shakes the earth, quaking with anger at you still, still enraged because you blinded the Cyclops, his dear son.” (Odyssey, Book 11, pg. 252) Tiresias goes on to describe to Odysseus all of the trials he and his crew will face over the course of their journey, and the correct ways to overcome each challenge. For the most part, Odysseus succeeds, until he arrives at the island of the god Helios. Helios tends a flock of sacred cattle; a flock that Tiresias has specifically told Odysseus to not let his men touch. Nevertheless, Odysseus and his men are stranded on the island for so long that they are required to hunt the sacred flock. Slaughter at hand, Helios convinces Zeus to smite Odysseus and his ship, and Zeus complies. In a turbulent storm of extreme lightning, Odysseus loses every single one of his men. Odysseus did not want to kill the cattle of the sun, but he was forced to. In a way, I relate to Odysseus because I too had guidelines this semester, but I was forced to break them anyway.
Going into the fall semester, I tried to lay out a plan. I would get work done ahead of time, find plenty of time to exercise for my health and enjoyment, and have free time to spend however I pleased. I did not want a repeat of high school where I was almost always late for events, turned in work at the last possible second, and felt pressed to find an hour when I did not have to worry about doing work. This plan was solid and it worked…for about a month. As schoolwork piled on more and more I began to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated. It is really hard to work up the motivation for a run when there is an exam coming in a week and a paper due in a few days. However, I did my best to trudge on and managed to keep myself together for most of the semester.
When the great warrior Achilles is dishonored by Agamemnon, Achilles decides not to fight. Despite Achilles having every right to make that decision, he temporarily loses his love, Briseis, and he loses his best friend, Patroclus, after sending Patroclus to war in his stead. These events allow him to feel justified in returning to war, but those stressors remain a burden on him. After defeating his enemy Hector, Achilles meets with Hector’s father and the king of Troy, Priam. While the two talk, Priam kisses Achilles’ hands and reminds him of the humanity of war. Priam directly reminds Achilles that his own father wishes for his success and safe return from their struggle. These moving words “…stirred within Achilles a deep desire to grieve for his own father. Taking the old man’s hand he gently moved him back. And overpowered by memory both men gave way to grief. Priam welp freely for man-killing Hector, throbbing, crouching before Achilles’ feet as Achilles wept himself, now for his father, now for Patroclus once again…” (Iliad, Book 24, pg. 605) After years of war and recent battles that left Achilles without a friend, he weeps openly. Such an extreme reaction simply from being told that his father cares for his health shows that Achilles has undergone untold amounts of stress. Nevertheless, in a certain way, it is very possible to understand and emphasize with Achilles. The reason Achilles breaks down so hard is that he has experienced the horror of war for so long. Such raw human emotion after countless battles of slaughter rips open his heart. Although I have not undergone the horror of an unceasing war, I have definitely felt something similar to Achilles.
As the end of the semester approached me, life felt like it became a downward spiral. I had issues on every front: I had gained some weight, work started to feel unmanageable, and my roommate had the coronavirus so I had to quarantine. Plus, the presidential election was approaching and I was very invested in the outcome and its ramifications. All of these clashing issues created a very stressful situation that felt inescapable. I well and truly felt overwhelmed. I began to fall back onto my old habits; I showed up as late as possible for zoom class, I turned in work as late as possible, and I hardly did anything but do work and sit on my phone. Even then, the semester still had a month left to go.
After Achilles sends Patroclus into battle, Patroclus becomes hungry for blood. He is an unstoppable machine tearing through men left and right. Over and over he dives into the fray to take lives. However, he quickly realizes he bit off more than he can chew when “… a Dardan fighter speared him squarely between the shoulder blades with a sharp lance.” (The Iliad, Book 16, pg. 438) The fighter who deals a critical blow to Patroclus appears almost out of nowhere. With this one major strike, Patroclus cannot truly fight back against the fearsome Hector. This critical blow is especially significant because it comes from an unnoteworthy fighter. Someone insignificant in the grand scheme of things brought one of the best warriors in Greece to his knees. In a way, some things that are insignificant served to overwhelm me too.
Upon returning to my dorm after my quarantine had finished, the world felt changed. I had spent two weeks feeling kind of miserable, and I was too engrossed in the election to do the work I had to do. Then, much like Patroclus being brought down by something insignificant, I was taken down by something insignificant. The two marching band rehearsals I had left to attend were canceled. Due to my roommate’s coronavirus exposure and my quarantine, I had not attended a rehearsal in three weeks. The marching band was the only class I had with anything in person, and I treasured our weekly rehearsals. However, their cancelation hit me hard. On top of everything else I was stressed about, my weekly outlet no longer existed. I felt overwhelmed.
The last few weeks have been hard. Finals have seemed to smack me in the face, I am struggling to complete my work, and a slight seasonal depression is starting to kick in because of how early the day becomes dark. However, the classic works I have highlighted tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In the Iliad, Achilles has chosen to fight. This means he will be honored and remembered as a hero for the rest of time. In the Odyssey, Odysseus makes it home and reunites with his happy wife and loving father. However, Odysseus still has one more unresolved duty. When Tiresias gave Odysseus his prophecy, Odysseus was told he had to go find people who eat unsalted meat and do not know what an oar looks like. When he reaches that spot, he should make a sacrifice to Poseidon. In this way, I relate heavily to Odysseus. Odysseus’ journey is not finished and neither is mine. Odysseus’ Odyssey is complete, and my journey from birth to high school is now complete. Life has thrown me around and the coronavirus pandemic has left me overwhelmed. Yet, I am still here. The semester has been hard, but life is moving on. A vaccine is approaching, I now know what I have to do better in college, and my own personal goals have been reaffirmed. I feel overwhelmed right now, but I think I will be okay. My life story has yet to be written, I have an odyssey of my own to complete.
