Love, Apptually

How Tech is Changing Sex, Dating & Relationships

Call me old-fashioned but I never thought dating apps or sites were worth using. Mainly because when people create their profiles they’re trying to portray themselves as perfect as they can. Remember that Facebook Year in Review video? Yeah, just like it. But then I thought, “what’s the difference between that and someone trying to make a good first impression in a bar”? So, ready to have my mind changed, I headed to this month’s Girls in Tech meetup where the folks from Happn, Antidate, Dattch & 3nder discussed how tech is changing our dating behaviours and sex experiences.

Modern day dating is not easy — let’s start there. And with people spending more time on mobile than ever, it is no wonder why we’ve got endless amounts of apps coming out every day.

Swipe right for.. love?

The appeal of the hook-up culture we live in is the fact that it is low-risk. Digitising meeting people might be less-time consuming and eliminating the fear of rejection but it also makes everything much more vague. Are we dating? Are we exclusive? Are we friends (with benefits)? We join dating apps for different reasons and there are certain expectations that come with it. Apps may make it more convenient to find a date but a lot harder to figure out whether your match is something more than a one-night stand.

Plenty of fish yet still lonely

Dating apps offer a lot of choice. I downloaded all four apps and Tinder (yes, it was a first time for me) and I felt like a kid in a candy shop. Should I swipe right or left? Should I give him a charm or a secret like? Do I really like him? With so many choices it is hard to find someone who will treat you like a priority rather than an option. To the Beatles “You’re Gonna Lose That Girl” today we say “So What? There are 5 other girls after her waiting to talk to me.” Even when we find someone we actually like, many have a fear of missing out on other options if they commit to one person. It creates a constant feel of uncertainty, distrust and ultimately leaves us feeling empty and lonely again.

On a Positive Note..

Dating apps are not all that bad. Some of them do solve problems around issues we face today.

From all panelists at GiTLondon, 3nder was perhaps the most sexually-forward app but it did make a point about feeling comfortable with who you are and what you like.

“We live in a society which is way judgemental. People still giggle when we talk about sex. We just wanted to make people realize they’re not crazy or weird because of what they want.”

Dattch is built by women, for women, who realize that gay girls date differently than gay guys, while Antidate flips the rules of dating and makes girls in control.

Happn is my favourite so far — it let’s you find people you’ve crossed path with down the street, in a coffee shop, at a party, you get the point. You know when you see someone and you try guessing what they do? I do that on the train all the time and I am so going to use Happn to verify my assumptions. Meeting could be interesting. Dating is still questionable.

The Takeaway

Technology is certainly changing how we connect with each other, our dating behaviours and sex experiences. Perhaps your soulmate is somewhere out there. Or not. As Barbrara Galiza from Dattch pointed out, one of the things dating apps are changing about society is the belief that you have to find and spend your life with a single person.

Not all is lost yet — at least dating humans is still relevant. Watch out for phones and robots coming soon.

And they lived appily ever after..