Date Killer #1: Negativity & Complaining

I had an unpleasant experience recently, and unfortunately, it was not a unique one.

I have a female friend, we have been flirting back and forth for the past year. I’ve taken her to dinner a few times, and we’ve hung out just casually. Last weekend, I took her to a nice, fancy restaurant (not really intentionally, it was the only one nearby that I felt like going to).

Anyways, she shows up looking beautiful, dressed immaculately (I looked pretty damn good too if I may say so myself, in a dress shirt and jacket). Here we were, two grown, sexy adults, all ready to have a nice date, and then…

All I did was ask her, “So how was your week?” What proceeded after that was a train of filth and garbage and bring-me-down-ness that just left me feeling… igh. She said she hates this person. She hates that person. This situation sucks. That situation sucks. Negativity after negativity, streaming from her mouth.

And I thought: Do I really want to waste even one more second of my life with this person?

She had put so much effort into looking great and showing up, but then she shot herself in the foot by just being a mean, nasty, unkind person. Not to me, of course, but to the people she was talking about, in her attitude toward them and her situations.

You might think, “Well maybe she was having a bad day.” Not so. I’ve done a couple dates with this woman, and it’s always the same: I leave feeling terrible, because I soaked up all the terrible energy she was shooting at me the whole time.

I try to surround myself with positive people, because I want to be encouraged and brought up instead of discouraged and brought down.

I have friends who love me, who are positive, and who encourage me no matter what. Some of them, even if I make the tiniest progress in a day they will still praise me to high heaven, and it encourages me to work hard and do even better. I’ve made tremendous progress in so many areas because of these positive, encouraging people.

But this woman never compliments or encourages me, never adds value to my life or my sense of worth, she just constantly fishes for compliments and tries to get ME to make HER feel better about herself. She isn’t even interested in what I have to say, she moves the conversation along quickly until she can talk about herself again.

I’ve decided not to talk to this woman anymore, because I don’t have time. It’s a bit awkward though, because we live nearby and we see each other every week at a regular public event. She notices I’ve been standoffish, and she scowls at me from time to time. But I don’t mind. I wouldn’t put it beyond her to strike back at me, but I’m in a position where that would probably do her more harm than me.

Anyways, moral of the story: Build up the people around you rather than tear them down. A man will be with a woman who makes him feel good about himself, not a self-absorbed woman who is constantly trying to get compliments at the expense of others’ sanity.