Why Being Beautiful Is Overrated

I know lots of women who are constantly seeking attention and validation. This usually comes in the form of “Oh I’m so ugly today… I’m so unattractive…” to which people will respond “Oh no, you’re so pretty, so beautiful, I wish I looked like you/had a girlfriend like you, etc.”

So it seems like a lot of women want to be beautiful.

But let me ask you this… WHY do you want to be beautiful?

1. To make more friends?
2. To feel good about yourself?
3. To find a better man?

Let’s discuss number one first. Let’s say there are 3 cakes in a room.

One cake is absolutely beautiful, multi-layered, covered in pure white frosting and drizzled in chocolate.

The second cake is OK, it looks like it was bought at a grocery store, but cake is cake.

The third cake looks ugly, like a child made it, dropped it on the floor, and then put it back in the pan.

All three cakes are sitting on one table at a party. Some of the guests eye the beautiful cake and drool as they imagine its fluffy goodness sliding down their throat. Others look at the grocery store cake and anticipate a taste experience that reminds them of childhood celebrations, of birthdays and victorious soccer games. Still others feel the home-made cake could be the best choice, as the exposed bits look nice and crispy. Each person grabs a plate and makes a move for his or her favorite choice.

But there’s a twist: All three cakes are filled with dirt. The people who flocked to the beautiful cake and eagerly sliced off a portion of the gorgeous frosting found themselves spitting it onto the ground. Some others tried the OK cake, hoping to have a different experience. The OK cake was just as awful and was filled with dirt too. Finally, the guests at the party tried the third cake, and were dismayed to find that it too was filled with dirt, and tasted even worse than it looked.

This is what it’s like being a woman with no social skills. If you are beautiful, people will want to be your friend (at least initially) just like the guests at the party wanted to try the beautiful cake. But if you want to keep them, you can’t be made of dirt under that pretty frosting. If you are average, some people will want to be your friend, but again, if they find out you taste like dirt, you will be in the same position as the beautiful cake. Finally, if you are very unattractive, not as many people will be drawn to you initially (as not many people would be drawn to the messy cake). And if you’re made of dirt on the inside, they won’t stay long either.

Beautiful, average, and unattractive women are all in the same position. Whether you look great or awful, friends need a reason to stick around other than your looks.

I’ve known plenty of gorgeous women who have precisely zero friends, because they don’t know how to keep them. People will be like wow, that girl is gorgeous, I want to be her friend. But getting to know her is an awkward and painful and thankless process, and so they just give up. You might think “at least pretty women get that initial attention,” but there is nothing more painful than making a new friend you’re excited about, only to have them abandon you after a few weeks just like all the others.

The good news is, whether you are aesthetically appealing or otherwise, you can learn social skills that will make others stick around.

I know unattractive women who have lots of friends and are very popular, because they have stellar personalities and are genuinely interested in other people.

Let’s go back to the example above. Now let’s say each cake is filled with yummy frosting instead of dirt. The beautiful cake gets tried first, and everyone agrees it’s delicious. A smaller number of people try the OK cake, and they agree it tastes amazing. Maybe a few people try the homemade cake, and they tell their friends how delicious it tastes! Soon people move from the line for the beautiful cake and the crowd around the OK cake, and also take a bite of the homemade cake because they hear how delicious it is.

Once again, the three cakes are in the same position. A beautiful woman with social skills will have an easy time making friends: people will come for the looks and stay for the personality. An average woman might take a little longer, but it’s likely that in a short time she will have just as many friends as the beautiful woman, because word will spread about how enjoyable she is to be around. Fewer people will try to talk to the unattractive woman, but when they do, the experience will be so positive that, again, word will spread and she will have as many friends as the beautiful woman.

The good thing is, social skills are not a mysterious thing, they are a specific set of rules you can follow to improve your relationships. Rules like:

• Talk 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time
• Remember people’s names the first time. No excuses.
• When you ask people what they have been up to, remember what they say, and follow up on it the next time you see them.
• Smile. Show that you are happy to see them.
• Never criticize, condemn, or complain.

If you want to learn more, there’s a book I highly recommend for everyone: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Following the principles in that book will turn you from a dirt cake into the most delicious fluffy goodness their lips have ever tasted, no matter what your external frosting looks like :)

Having others make demands on your time and wanting to be around you will also make you feel much better than being pretty ever could: As I said before, I know plenty of gorgeous women who have no friends. Many of them become resentful and say, “I’m so much prettier than that other girl, why does she have so many friends while I have none?” Be that other girl ;)

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