The Funny Story About The Terrible Phone Date

As I am writing this, the world is in the throes of the Covid-19 pandemic. We can’t really go on dates, so calling someone is the next best thing. I just wanted to clarify for readers in the future why I call a phone conversation a “date.”

So anyways, I met this woman on eHarmony. She was hot, so I sent her a message just saying hello, how was your weekend.

She didn’t respond for 2 weeks.

When she finally did respond, she wrote: “fine”

I just ignored her response, because she was obviously not interested, and I was looking for someone who wants to talk to me.

A week later, she messaged me again: “How r u?”

I know this type of woman. She is interested in a man only if he has no interest in her. I have no patience or time for that kind of woman, because if I ever become interested, she will lose interest.

So I continued to ignore her messages, not out of manipulation, but simply because I do not want to waste my time on that kind of person.

So she sends me more messages, and asks for my number.

Again, she is super hot. In the back of my mind I was like, maybe she will send me some sexy pics?

Don’t judge me.

Anywho, I gave her my number.

The next day I regretted doing so, and I was like she is kinda awful, I’d better delete that conversation. So I did and I blocked her on eHarmony. I thought I was safe.

A week later she calls me. Apparently she had written my number down. She asked for a second chance to get to know me. I said ok… how was your week?

She responded by talking AT me for 45 minutes, complaining about how horrible the food service industry is, how disgusting her bosses are, how she gets fired constantly, and how everything in her life is shit.

She asked no input from me, nor did she pause to allow me to speak.

Oh and by the way, she mentioned that she had a restraining order against her, and she had been to jail.

I told her I had to leave the conversation as I was about to have dinner with my friends.

She rudely said “Ok bye” and hung up the phone.

Shortly thereafter I texted her my standard rejection text, saying she seems like a wonderful woman and any guy would be lucky to date her, it’s too bad we’re not a match.

And then I blocked her.

And that was that.

Just in case the lesson from this phone call isn’t obvious:

1. On your first time talking to someone, focus on the positive. Don’t complain. It’s really draining and obnoxious to listen to.
2. Don’t talk the entire time. Let the other person talk too, people love to talk about themselves, so be conscious of whether or not the other person is getting their say too.
3. If you have been to jail and/or have a restraining order against you… maybe save that for a later date when the person has gotten to know you better.

Until next time, advisees…