Who Pays For Dinner, The Guy or The Girl?

One problem I’ve run into is that sometimes women expect me to do all of the work: I have to approach, I have to ask for the number, I have to ask for the date, I have to schedule the date and pay for it, I have to follow up, I have to make conversation all on my own. It’s a pain to do, and I’m not sure any guy likes doing it.

You can really separate yourself from the herd by being willing to take up a little of the slack. Offer to pick the restaurant and pay for half. If you live far away, offer to meet in between. Be a good conversationalist and ask him questions, and respond to his with more than two words. Maybe call him and ask for the second date. No matter how pretty a girl is, there comes a time when, if she isn’t working to get to know me too, I will just give up because no one is worth that much effort.

It’s happened to me more than once that I was dating a woman and I just stopped calling her, because I was making all the effort and she wasn’t giving any sign that she was interested in me. I found out later from friends that she actually really liked me and she thought I had lost interest. My reaction was, well if you really liked me then why didn’t you say that or show that? I’m not going to assume that just because you accompany me to dinner, you’re interested in me. Be active, and not passive. Relationships are best when two people are pursuing each other.

In fact, the only time I have been in long-term relationships is when the woman pursued me: she was the one calling me to hang out, wanting to spend time with me, wanting to go on dates, wanting sex, everything. And I loved it, finally finding someone who wants me just as much as I want her. It made me feel loved and sexy and attractive.

No man wants a trophy to stuff and put on his wall. He wants a woman he can interact with, be friends with, and love. And if you’re just sitting there passively and letting him do all the work, you’re not really adding to the relationship in any way. No matter how pretty you are, he will get bored with you unless you are actively contributing to the relationship in some way, whether it be with humor, kindness, or personality.