Wimpy Girls Finish Last

If you want something, go and get it.

Period.

This applies to both men and women.

We are living in a day and age where women can hold any job that men can, and many women are in top positions in the biggest companies in the world (Facebook, Pepsi, etc.) Women are taught to be empowered, strong, and fearless.

All of that is wonderful, and it shows signs of the progress our world is making.

However.

This strange idea still persists, that it’s the man’s job to do everything in a relationship, and the woman just needs to sit back and do nothing. She doesn’t have to initiate anything, because doing so is really scary in terms of rejection.

I find that incredibly frustrating.

As a man, I have insecurities and needs too. If I’m pursuing someone, I’m not going to put in much effort unless the woman makes it clear to me that she is interested and she reciprocates my effort. To continue would mean courting disaster and a possible #metoo label. And if she is too afraid to take any initiative, I will assume she’s too passive to be any fun.

For example.

Some weeks ago, I met a woman online. She loved animals, and we seemed to hit it off. I asked if she would like to have a phone call that week, and she said yes.

But she didn’t include her number.

And I should have known right there not to pursue anything with her, and that our short time of communication would be fraught with passivity on her side and frustration on mine. But she seemed nice and unconventionally attractive, so I gave it another shot.

After a week of silence, I followed up with, “So am I just supposed to guess your phone number or what?”

She laughed it off and sent her number along.

We chatted for a few minutes, we had a fun time talking and laughing, turns out we have a similar sense of humor.

She texted me the next day, sending me an article about cats (I have a cat).

I was like cool, she must be interested.

She kept texting me throughout the day, so I asked if she wanted to meet up that night for drinks. She wouldn’t really give me a straight answer.

She asked if I was going out to the next night. I responded I can, if she wants to.

Again, she didn’t respond to that. At around 6pm the following day, I texted her and said “I didn’t hear back from you about meeting up tonight, so I’m just going to have dinner with my parents.”

She said ok, then continued to text me, just things here and there.

I’ve been told by a lot of people, don’t text too much with a girl you don’t know. Only use texts to set a time and place for a date. So I decided to implement that policy.

I was pretty frustrated at this point, because technically I had offered to meet up twice and she had taken no initiative to even give me a straight yes or no. So I texted her and said look… figure out when and where you want to meet and let me know.

She still kept texting me conversational things, and so I said more explicitly: do not contact me unless you have a plan for when and where you would like to meet. I have tried to connect with you in-person twice, and I got a vague response. The ball is in your court now, if you want to meet up then you will have to arrange a time and place, because I have made two attempts with no success.

She gave me a sarcastic response, she was defensive and blamed me because she thought we were meeting up the night I went to visit my parents (as for why she thought that I have no idea. She never said that and neither did I. She asked if I was going out that night, I said I would if she went out too, but she never responded). At the end of this new text she also offered two different days when we could meet up.

I just texted her back and said look… if we’re getting frustrated with each other already, it’s probably a sign that this isn’t going to work out. You’re a great girl and any guy would be lucky to date you, it’s too bad we’re not a match.

She was nice about it and said I should contact her if I want to go to an animal shelter some time.

I blocked her phone and email.

Soooo frustrating. She clearly liked me, but she was just too afraid to dip her toe in the water, when I was already in the pool.

I felt like I was at a ballroom dance, I saw her all the way across the room, I walked up to her and told her she was beautiful, and I held out my hand and asked her to dance. Instead of taking my hand, she was too scared, and wanted me to grab her hand and steal her away to the floor.

I’m not going to do that.

First, the risk of being called “sexually aggressive” is way too high in this social climate.

Second… nobody is worth that. I’m not going to be courageous every moment just so you can be a coward and never have to face your fear. If even saying “yes” to an invitation is too much for you to bear… you really need to work on yourself before you can be in a relationship. It was just as scary for the man on the other side of the invitation to offer it.

Sorry if this one is negative. I’m just tired of dealing with all this stuff, and I tend to vent on this blog.

Thanks for listening.