Workplace Advice for Women (from a guy)

I’ve noticed that a lot of women at my work get shushed by their male bosses.

“Patriarchy!” you scream. “Misogyny, sexism!!!”

But before you organize a protest outside my company, let’s take a look at what these women are doing wrong:

When my manager talks to any subordinate, he is either requesting information or giving information. That’s it. One of the two.

When he talks to my female coworkers, it’s the same deal, but with one difference:

While he is in the process of giving or requesting information, my female coworkers interrupt him constantly.

I don’t know if it’s out of nervousness, out of habit, or whatnot, but my managers find they have to shush my female coworkers just to get a word in edgewise.

Here’s an example of what happens:

Peter(manager): Mary, would you mind pulling up that-

Mary(my coworker): That spreadsheet, ok yes.

P: Yes. Please pull up that spreadsheet that we were working on-

M: That we were working on yesterday, I know, you want to see these numbers at the bottom. Uh-huh.

P: No, actually I-

M: You want to see the ones at the top. I’ll scroll up.

P: Well I was hoping to see one line. Would you mind scrolling to row one hundred and-

M: Yeah, uh-huh, ok

P: Forty-two, so I can see-

M: The changes? I put them in yesterday after my lunch so I could-

P: Mary. Stop.

Here’s how the same conversation would go with me:

P: Hi T, would you mind pulling up that spreadsheet we were working on yesterday?

T: Sure. (pulls up spreadsheet)

P: Ok, now scroll down to line 142.

(T scrolls down to line 142, P looks at it)
P: That’s all I needed, thank you.

Do you see the difference?

Interrupting someone, especially your boss, or talking while they are talking, is really really frustrating to your boss for two reasons:

1. You cannot listen and talk at the same time. If you are talking while your boss is talking, it is a signal that you did not listen to what he or she just said. It’s incredibly frustrating to talk and not be heard.
2. Your manager cannot talk and listen at the same time. If he/she is talking to you, and you interrupt or talk before he/she has finished speaking, you are forcing their brain to go into “listen” mode. The manager cannot deliver information effectively when his or her concentration is being broken by your talking.

I see this happen every day: a boss tries to give instructions to his female subordinate, and she will keep talking as he is talking. He will have to shush her just to get her to stop talking and start listening.

That is not what your boss wants. Your boss wants to know that you have heard and understand what he/she is saying. He does not want your feedback until he knows you have heard and completely understand what he is saying.

Here is a quick fix for all of the above:

If your boss is talking to you, there must be a reason.

1. Stop whatever you are doing. Do NOT continue working on your computer when your boss is talking to you.
2. Turn your body and your face toward your boss so they know they have your undivided attention.
3. Smile a little bit. Not a lot, just a little at the corners of the mouth.
4. Shut. Up. Do not say a word until the boss is done, and save all your questions for the end. Do not say “Ok” or “yeah” or even make a single noise while the other person is speaking. If you do, it sends signals that you are not listening, and it’s frustrating for the other person because they feel like they are being ignored and disrespected.

Let’s be clear, I am not talking about just women. If you are a man who interrupts people, the same 4 steps apply. Do NOT talk when it is your boss’s turn to talk. Do NOT interrupt other people.

Until next time.