The Biggest Adventure of them All

“To Die Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure”

New Beginnings — always inspire a tingly combination of excitement and apprehension. When I think about all the potential for reinvention, it inspires in me the same feeling being scrubbed clean out of a tub or eating a fresh orange does.

But after the initial excitement is done, I slowly remember the dark side of a new beginning. The great big black hole known as the unknown. The what if questions begin to surface and the initial excitement fades as quickly as it came.

I’m embarking on a new beginning now and went through this precise routine. Then I began to think about the first time I felt this way — the excitement and dread that I couldn’t stop feeling, the knowledge that I couldn’t change anything and most of all the adulteration of a feeling that could be so pure and enjoyable. It was probably when I was 10 or 11, I was moving to a new school and dreaded not being able to make friends. I then thought back to other big changes in my life — I had moved cities, I had moved schools and I had travelled to different countries — and all of these experiences did not have even a sliver of dread. It was always excitement and energy that preceded my plunge into the unknown.

Then what changed? What had taken this pure positive feeling and replaced it with this awkward combination that ultimately left me feeling unsure, at best, and nothing, at worst? Was it knowing too much? Was it learning from my mistakes? Was I really so jaded at age 11 that I expected nothing but negativity from a new experience?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that it was the sense of adventure that was replaced by fear. When I was younger, I was able to look at everything as a grand new adventure. There was so much in life to learn and discover. Nothing could be a waste, even the negative experiences. Life was just this big mystery box, waiting to be unveiled. That was also when I realised what the legendary dialogue “Life is like a box of chocolates” meant. It left me surprised and curious — Why was this love for adventure no longer there in my life? Why, as a child, could I be so optimistic? What changed?

I then began to remember countless other small instances — my penchant for swinging higher and higher, my comfort with tooth extractions and vaccinations and so much more. Everything had been replaced by a sense of fear. What if something goes wrong? What if it hurts more than expected?

I realised that my fear was holding me back on so many occasions. In yet others, it might not have stopped me from doing something, but I entered the situation with negativity and a closed mind as opposed to an open one. I had started steeling myself from this fear by planning to a T exactly how I would approach a new beginning, hiding behind the numerous lists and plans of action. I had basically closed myself off from the magic of a new beginning and let myself be completely weighed down by the uncertainty it brings.

Now that I have this awareness — I’ve made a resolution this year. I want to feel like a child again. I want to approach every new beginning with excitement and a sense of adventure. I remind myself how life is an adventure and not a race, a game or something to optimize on.

Life, in itself, is an adventure — every moment is worth cherishing and every new beginning, an adventure.