Breaking up with all my boyfriends.
And being a singlet.
Why?
Because we indulge in unions out of boredom, carelessness and failure at defining an ongoing relationship. We enter into situationships and they get complicated and then, everything gets twisted. Young adults’ lives can be gbas gbos.
We lead innocent souls on and some get carried away by our lovely virtues and kind dispositions and mistake those for a green light. I know we have so much love to give, but the same energy cannot be given to everyone at the same time, haba! You want to die?
Other times, we expect a lot from an individual that is not our partner and then fall in love with persons we tag ‘just friends’.
Then we meet others on social media, nurture some butterflies in our stomachs then build castles in our heads. Swim boldly into the talking stage — constant calls and exchange of text messages. A very dangerous stage filled with assumptions, any human can be in. Then it stalls like every social media love-drama.
Then another in our new city. Our only friend maybe. Faithful friend, always there and boom! The butterflies fly again. Why is this life like this? We literally have to wear an armor of self control everywhere to avoid accidental love stories that exist.
Then our friends pair us up with people they think we can flow with. I hear it’s called match-making. Some interesting apps do it too. We know deep down our guts that it won’t work, but we play along anyways. We love attention, the fact that we are hunted after. That feeling…Lol!
All these one I’m talking, the official partner is there o. S/he is there! With that one, we expect the moon and stars — I only pity the poor, young soul. Don’t get this twisted, love is actually a beautiful thing but castles are for fairy tales in Europe, dear. For relationships to work both in Europe and in Nigeria and all over the world, one must put in some amount of intentional work.
Let me even pause to ask;
Can one fall in love with a person ignorantly? Like fall all the way down and still stay oblivious of that fact ‘cause both parties play a lot and think the growing bond and loyalty is still part of the play book. But then, some slight butterflies pop here and there, but asides that, both call themselves, ‘besties.’ You get the gist?
Then both decide to break up and part ways. But then, a week after, they’re working on a project together and then during break time, go off to get an ice-cream. A harmless hangout and a million other ‘harmless hangouts’ after breaking up? Abeg, who are you two deceiving? Your grandmas?
Moving past these undefined relationships could be so slow and painful. The would-have-beens, I like to call it. It’s one of the worst kinds of situationships one could ever get involved in. And making peace with the fact that they can’t materialize into your fantasy is a tough one.
So, being a singlet is the new goal. Unentangling myself from the many webs of situationships and complications, in order to breathe well is the goal. Defining my relations is the noble goal. Limiting expectations and faux dreams is the goal.
Responsible adults don’t fall for everyone that come by. That’s mutiny! Responsible adults don’t sleep in webs, they sleep on beds. Webs are for spiders and adults are not spiders, adults are humans. Humans talk. Humans hold difficult conversations. Humans define relationships. Humans ask questions.
- What are we doing?
- What level are we at?
3. Where are we headed?
One shouldn’t be hanging out in different restaurants with different souls and catching cruise, laughing, constantly texting and calling different shots, then wait for the best shot to win. Was it a contest? Even if it was.
Love is pure and not a tangled web. Love is all round faithful and focused. Love is content with the imperfections and glow of the other. Love is satisfied. Love is satisfied with the love that meets them where they we are. Love is crystal clear. Love is disciplined. Love is not only about those butterflies in our stomachs. Love is not confused. What else?
The past is past and my past is my past. The present is a gift and my present is my gift. No longer turning my head back to stall and stay sad about the things I didn’t do well. I choose to let the missed steps teach me.
So here I am, taking a step to wholeness and making peace with past experiences. Living unashamedly. Living wholly and having my mistakes empower me, having them serve as a pedestal for being a better lady. I choose to let my experiences teach me and not crush my bones. And as I listen to myself, I hope to learn to love better.
You cannot own the person you love. You own items not people. People are free to do whatever with their lives — To walk away. To stay. To reciprocate love. To be.
If this piece was helpful, interesting, or caused some other positive emotion, please buy me a coffee.
Thank you.
