Dining with friends: an etiquette refresher
Somewhere in between coloring pictures of zebras in kindergarten and playing beer pong on Friday nights during sophomore year of college, we’ve forgotten some of the basics of proper comportment and good manners. Perhaps the prevalence of social media and instant messaging has created its own set of social norms (e.g. Thou shalt Instagram thy food) that have displaced some of the manners our parents used to teach us. With that said, there are a few lessons from Miss Manners that we'd do well to remember.
Excuse yourself before using your phone
There are few things as repulsive in the world of proper conduct, nay, common decency, as someone who impulsively checks their phone while they’re in the middle of a conversation. Unless you’re exchanging texts with a dying friend or getting minute-by-minute updates on your grandmother’s open heart surgery, your living companion deserves your full attention. I mean, just imagine how absurd it would be if, twenty years ago, every person had a landline telephone with them on the dining table and called someone every five minutes.
That means a few things:
First, keep the phone off the table during meals. It belongs in your bag or your pocket. In silent mode. (No, your Kim Possible message alert tone is no longer cool)
Second, if you need to check it, ask to be excused, and take a quick peek. If it needs more attention, consider stepping outside or going to the bathroom.
Third, if you know that you’re expecting an important message, give your companion the courtesy of knowing so.
And for goodness’ sake, don’t watch Snapchat stories or scroll through Facebook over dinner.
When dining with friends who don’t know each other very well, insist on talking about common topics
We’ve all been that person — we’re out with a friend and one of their friends, and they immediately go off into a long discussion about the love life of one of their mutual friends. How exciting, right?!
Let’s be real: no matter how much you try to describe this mystical mutual friend and why they’re worth chatting about, it will never be quite as interesting of a discussion to someone who’s never met that friend. Hence, if you’re with two friends who are just getting to know each other, be considerate about the topics you introduce. Avoid bringing up topics that one of your friends may not be ready to share with the public, such as a recent break-up or a potential change in job. Instead, wait for them to bring it up.
Similarly, if you’re dining with a date and another friend, be conscious of how you make that third wheel feel. Leaning over for a kiss in between each bite might seem cute to you, but it might very well be the reason your friend has used the bathroom fourteen times in the past hour.
Don’t interrupt others while they are speaking
While we often think of men who are guilty of interrupting women, some studies have found that women can be just as guilty of interrupting other women.
If you catch yourself interrupting someone, your best bet is to call yourself out, apologize, and offer them the courtesy of finishing. On the other hand, if you notice someone else interrupting, you can ask the interrupted party what they were saying after the interjection has been completed.
Chew quietly, and with your mouth closed
Sure, your plate of avocado toast looks picture perfect on your Instagram feed, but how picture perfect were you as a dining companion? Don’t chomp on your food the way horses knead blades of grass through their molars. Don’t slurp your pasta (unless it’s ramen and you’re in Japan, but that’s probably not the case). Don’t make that tsk-tsk sound as you chew because you’re the only one here who needs to be tsk-ed.
And most importantly, don’t exhibit your half-chewed mush for your dining companions (and the rest of the world) to see. I don’t care if you’re drunk and it’s 3 in the morning and you’re eating a $1 slice of pizza. It’s disgusting. And please wipe your mouth.
Good manners used to be a sign of class because only the wealthy could afford to send their kids to finishing school. Nowadays, they’re a basic expectation, no different from wearing deodorant or saying thank you. So yes, thinking you can get away without following some of these is almost the equivalent of telling yourself that you will do away with brushing your teeth for the next week.
So try them again; they’re not so hard. If 7-year old you could do it, why can’t however-old-you-are you do it too?
Did you enjoy this guide? This is my second piece for a new publication called Advo, which is a field guide to adulting (aka everything our parents were supposed to teach us but didn’t, perhaps for good reason…). For more articles like this, click on the 💚 below.
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