new city, who dis
no but really, who dis, i just moved here hello
I was moving to a new city for my new gig, and I was feeling just okay about it. Not that I wasn’t excited about moving somewhere new, it just wasn’t my ~dream~ city. It wasn’t on the shortlist of cities that I had come to curate and romanticize as “perfect” for me and my post-grad yuppie dreams. I really wasn’t sure what my new life would look like in a city I hadn’t put on a pedestal, didn’t know anything about, and didn’t have immediate friends in (I literally was trying to remember how I tactically managed to make all my new friends freshman year, but couldn’t). Less than a year later, Dallas, Texas genuinely feels like a home. Like any home, I’ve grown familiar with its challenges and frustrations as much as its comforts and indulgences. Within a niche ecosystem of relationships and communities, I’ve found a space for me to try, fail, succeed, cry, love, and grow both personally and professionally. I had accepted the card that I was dealt — but now, I also feel an affirming sense that for reasons I might still be unaware of, I’m in the right place at the right time. For others who also find themselves transplanted to new, unfamiliar places (especially if it’s not the ~dream~ city you envisioned right out of school) … and because I can’t call myself a consultant if I can’t provide some key takeaways … here are some thoughts on how to integrate into a new city. Recommended pre-reqs include: proactivity, enthusiasm, and capacity for discomfort.
1. Sign up for all the mailing lists.
Seriously, any event, organization, publication that sounds remotely cool, just put your email on the list. So many times, friends have asked me how I’d heard about particular events and programs as if I had some secret “in” when in actuality, I was just laying in bed checking my email. Everything snowballs from this first step of positioning yourself to learn about what’s going on around you.
2. Actually go to those events you find — especially by yourself.
I’ve noticed many people prefer to go to events if they can find a friend to bring along. Why? What’s the worst thing that could happen? You have to sit by yourself at an event that isn’t about you? You have to make conversation with other people who are intimidatingly also by themselves and could be pretty cool? Don’t let the fact that you can’t find a buddy to bring along stop you from deviating from what feels comfortable. It goes back to why you’re considering these events in the first place. If your goal is to get plugged into the city, what better way than to talk to other denizens? I get to appreciate and operate within a rich, nuanced landscape of Dallas that was only formed by getting to know others through topics such as the local restaurant scene, the suburban hip hop community, and Southern church culture. “Out of your comfort zone” is the best place to meet people and have conversations you wouldn’t have had otherwise.
3. Work at coffee shops/out of the apartment.
Nothing to lose here, unless you need to curb your spending habits on coffee, which is real. Coffee shops are scientifically proven to stimulate creativity for whatever you’re working on (there has to be stats somewhere supporting this), and there’s always the possibility of making a new friend.
4. At speaker/forum/group-based events, find ways to contribute to the conversation.
This could be sharing a story during an open forum or asking a thoughtful question during the Q&A session of an event. The latter especially makes you stand out and gives you a handy conversation starter when introducing yourself to the speaker(s) after the event (which you should always try to do). I’ve also found this to be good real-world practice for quickly formulating and articulating opinions — a useful skill personally and professionally.
5. Say yes to opportunities, even if you don’t know what they really entail.
You’re almost guaranteed to learn something, grow in some way, make a new friend, or all of the above. For instance, one might commit to a dance crew before fully understanding what’s going on, and then end up winning World Of Dance Dallas (Hey team #TheProcess).
6. Ask cool people out to coffee.
People have egos. No one’s going to turn down an opportunity to have their ego stroked. If someone (maybe a panelist at the event you’re attending by yourself because you’re putting yourself outside of your comfort zone) piques your interest, you have nothing to lose by asking them to grab lunch or coffee, but so much to gain. The two base assumptions here are that 1) you’re genuinely interested in this person and their experiences, and 2) you’ll make sure it’s a meaningful meeting, not a waste of their time and good will. Additional tip: have some good cafés or coffee shops in mind that you know would be comfortable and appropriate.
7. Follow up with these cool people.
I’ve found that most of the interesting people I’ve met have all crossed paths with each other at some point. By building relationships with a few of them, you’ll begin to piece together the full interconnected network of cool people that shape the city.
8. Attend civic engagements/events.
Learning about a city’s history and the key issues it faces makes you start to feel like a citizen. Whereas all the previous tips were people-centric, attending civic events gives you a perspective that is uniquely grounded in a city’s geolocation and its continued development. For instance, learning about Dallas’ socioeconomic and racial history through its urban design has influenced my decisions for how I spend my time and resources. Becoming civically engaged, no matter how intensely, makes you feel closer to a community because you begin to develop a sense of duty and responsibility that you only feel towards something you are a part of.
9. Notice the small things.
Catch the small things that make your day. I have a special fondness for the trees along a nearby urban trail, the constant presence of dogs (PSA: Dallas is the most dog-friendly place ever), and the sunsets (no joke, my roommate from HAWAII says that Dallas has the prettiest sunsets she’s ever seen).
These practices are what have worked for me personally — I now feel like I live with this city, not just in it, and there’s a certain fondness for something you have to grow into, like a pair of leather boots or roots carving into previously unbroken ground. Place-making is not just about existing within a particular place, it’s about your cultivation of people, purpose, and the ideas and experiences that come from them. Any place, no matter where it ranks on anyone’s “Best Cities To Live In” lists, will only be as meaningful as your relationship with it.
Hit 💛 if you have ~dreams~ (and like this piece)
I’ve joined a new publication, Advo — our goal is to provide candid, thoughtful, and practical guides for millennials. As millennials. It’s a learn-to-fly-by-flying type of thing. If you have any questions or suggestions for this piece, I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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