On leaving your first job with poise
Eye contact is never more difficult than when you’re about to lay down some awkward news. In my case, I was in even more of a pickle: I was delivering awkward news to the organization that was writing my paychecks, the one that had sent me on high-end weekend vacations and had given me an expense budget four days out of almost every week. I knew all good things must come to an end, or something like that, and this was that fateful moment where I would tell my first employer I was quitting.
For weeks before I approached my employer at my management consulting firm, I’d tossed and turned at night about how I’d let them know I was planning to leave. I knew it was the right decision for me — I’d managed to line up a job in travel media, an industry I was passionate about and wanted to work in long-term. However, the fear of looking “lazy” or “flighty” continued to nag at me, especially because I was leaving this job after just a year and a half.
All my life, I’d been told that I should stay in my first job for at least 3–5 years, no matter how bad of a fit it was. To many employers, they said, my year-and-a-half-long stint would look like “job hopping.” But for me, this was an opportunity to work in a challenging role focusing on business strategy initiatives in an industry I love. In short, it was too good to pass up.
I just had to get through the anxiety of telling my employer I was leaving.
While I was preparing for the big reveal, walking to my manager’s office, I thought I might melt into the floor from nervousness. I took a deep breath, looked her in the eye, and let her know that I had lined up a new job offer at my dream company.
Looking back on it, leaving that job was exactly what I needed to do at that time. And, much to my surprise, my supervisor and sponsor were supportive of my next step. Initially, I thought that my superiors would feel betrayed that I was choosing another company over theirs. However, I learned that the mentors I looked up to so much continued to support me as I pursued my next step.
If you’re thinking about making your first career change, here are a few ways to leave on a high note:
- Understand why you want to leave
Are you leaving because you dislike your job? Because you dislike your coworkers? Because you want to try something new? Because the right opportunity knocked at the right time? Understanding what’s pulling you away from your current job will help you frame your rationale for others.
Sometimes you’ll hear people say things like, “you shouldn’t run away from something; you should run toward something.” While I don’t disagree, I strongly believe that you are the only person who knows exactly what you need. Figuring out what it is that’s driving you to take the leap is an important first step to showing confidence about your decision outwardly.
2. Explain how this new role fits with your long-term career goals
When you begin to think through your conversation with your current employer in your head, frame it in a way that is positive and gives off the “it’s not you, it’s me” vibe. By being able to explain how your next role is a better fit for your long-term career trajectory, you’ll be able to spin your story into a positive one no matter how miserable you may have been. Even if you were unhappy at your last job, you will want to confirm (for yourself and your employer) that the next step is in the direction of your dreams.
3. Continue to work hard until the end
Just because you’ve put in your two weeks’ notice doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Your employer and colleagues will appreciate that you continued to give your current job your all. Also, make sure to tie up any loose ends on your projects and prep notes and tips for project hand-offs.
Who cares what they think? Well, the truth is that the people around you could be future colleagues or bosses someday, and you’ll want to make sure you leave gracefully.
4. Set up time for coffee chats with your favorite colleagues
There have been no greater mentors and friends in my career thus far than my colleagues from my first job, and it’s because I took the time to cultivate these relationships before I left. When I decided to leave my job, I set up time individually with my trusted mentors and peers, to let them know I was leaving and to hear their reactions and advice. Not only did this help strengthen the relationships, it also gave me the pep talks and support I needed to feel affirmation of my decision.
To this day, I still keep in touch with many of my former colleagues and have enjoyed hearing how things have been going for them. Some have chosen to stay at the firm. Others have left. People from both groups have proven time and time again to give fantastic career and life advice. And, on another note, thanks to them, I have plenty of couches to crash on and people to meet up with in most major cities around the world.
5. Break the news in person
No one likes to be broken up with over a text message. An email? Even worse. Much like you wouldn’t have important life conversations virtually, don’t do it with your employer either. Set up time with your direct supervisor(s) face-to-face, and tell them your news right there. It shows a tremendous amount of maturity and respect when you can calmly and professionally explain your situation in a very human interaction.
6. Smile
Smiling = confidence. It may not seem like it matters whether or not you look confident in your decision, but trust me, it does. Having conviction in your decision makes it less questionable, and shows that you thought through your choice inside and out.
You might be scared out of your wits to talk to your current employer about leaving. And that’s okay. Just don’t show it.
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