2020: COVID-19 Virus Pandemic
Well hello there.
I thought about writing this post to share my thoughts which includes some relatable experiences, feelings and thoughts as we’ve all been in “quarantine” since March 2020. Here is goes.
The day we heard vis radio or tv channels about the covid-19 pandemic and being told to quarantine and stay home as much as possible other than the essential ones: groceries; everyone reacted in fear, panic, worry, etc.
Due to the restrictions or in some way I view it as… limitations… war, the opposite of freedom; a few words that come to mind. What I’m about to say about my feelings, reactions & beliefs of this virus pandemic, will shock/scare you, inspire fear in you. But before I do, I’m gonna include a few brief facts before to help under what what comes after that.
My mental health has come with its own issues for years. To briefly mention: I was diagnosed with ADD in 2004 and since: I’ve been taking Concerta for it; but before took 2–4 trials of other medications till we found Concerta worked. In 2016, I was diagnosed with depression and took a 6 werk trial with Lexapro… my metabolism didn’t respond to it so then went on a prescribed vitamin d and that worked along with working at La Vie En Rose from middle of November till the end of January 2017.
But anyway now I’ve been on Pristiq which has been working better for me: began around Summer 2018 and I’m almost done the remainder of the 50 mg from my doctor’s plans to ween me off it.
I had to make due with the 18 pills I had from the time I was still taking the lower dosage as I was on the 100 mg beginning in late February 2019. I had to die to having no more coverage for both medications and therapy. Bad timing and well at this point inspires and helps motivate me to get a full time job with benefits so that I can get more refills of Concerta and another medication (for acne) covered. I can’t afford to pay 💰 for the medication uncovered. It’s like $200–300 for Pristiq and around the same for Pristiq but hey I’m gonna be done taking it 5 pills from now.
Hey I’m trying to keep this as brief, and trust me I’m almost there. Anyway, now since the pandemic began in March 2020, my mental health has been not the same since February 2018 and this thing that happened I didn’t even know was possible yet I experienced/noticed the last few days of July 2018. I noticed that my thoughts/voices had completely stopped. I could no longer hear them in my head, thoughts. I was feeling like I was losing my mind because it seemed that way to me.
They still haven’t returned and I’ve been back in therapy since summer 2018 working on DBT and other therapeutic practices. The loss of my voices/thoughts have made it harder which includes my time management: I’m unable to complete tasks: simple ones around the house and getting back from my breaks at work on time along with my memory which was a symptom that I noticed after experiencing frequent panic/anxiety attacks since April/May 2017.
One last symptom I’ve experienced from this was my inability to physically experience fear… I can easily enough make decisions based on fear but that physical experience/reaction: I haven’t experienced in over 2 years. With all this in mind, what I’m about to let out now will be big! I don’t fear this virus pandemic… hence not having experienced any physical reaction or response of fear.
I also am one who began working little bit before the pandemic began: in early February 2020 at a local grocery store. And I haven’t actually fully experienced the full thing of quarantine. I’m an essential worker and could only for as much as I work when I wasn’t scheduled to work. Even I am not scared nor fear the virus: if it were a human been: male or female: I’d use a massive amount of anger I’ve kept bottled up inside and let it out for how it’s messed up mine and everyone else’s.
So I don’t fully get the full understanding of what it’s like quarantining for weeks and only leaving the house for essential things like groceries. Going insane by being home so much and not working or leaving the house.
Not having my thoughts/voices in my head and the inability to experience the physical experience of fear; has made it hard and even before this pandemic began. Though since the pandemic began, it’s made It harder with the restrictions/limitations of what we can do and all that is temporarily closed due to the virus.
Lastly I came across this movie trailer and it seems it’s relatively similar to our pandemic crisis: but it’s called COVID-23. Also an article below the video of a post around how a pandemic ends and mentions about the pandemic similar that occurred 100 years ago.
Thoughts on the movie trailer and article?
My thoughts on the pandemic is that this virus is a bacterial kind and that means there’s no way a virus this big and deadly would just be born in its own; humans would have to have done enough of specific things in order to create the virus/become born. Though there’s another theory about someone creating the virus and patenting it. If this is any bit true, shouldn’t the government do some physical work and research on finding out and resolving this virus pandemic so we can all get back to our normal lives again.
Quarantining for weeks on end can make humans feel insane and even feel in a sense of inhuman. Because being human: you do many things and we aren’t doing more than half those things anymore because of the restrictions/limitations due to the virus.
But before I end this post, I’d like to mention one theory and belief I have about resolving this virus issue/pandemic. We all want more strength, immunity to fight off diseases, viruses and such: there’s not just foods and even vitamins/supplements you can consume to have more immunity; but there’s also mental health stuff you can begin to practice to add into your routines at home: mindfulness and… creativity.
Cory Mathews from Girl Meets World once said in the “Girl Meets Creativity” episode of: there was an explosion of creativity called the Renaissance. Here’s another sneak peek:
Topanga Mathews Cory’s wife works as a lawyer in New York, once said: “if you think logically, you’re gonna lose the creative arts”. That’s very true: the creative arts in school was being taken out of the education curriculum and the students were getting creative to help save the creative arts. Here’s another good quote:
“When do you stop being able to think creatively? When do you get your hands tied? We don’t want that to happen to us.”
Having your hands tied looks/seems like when you put your foot down and limit yourself to the “black and white” type of thinking. What I call including therapist/psychologists call: thinking traps. Example:
- This trap occurs when we only look at situations in terms of one extreme or the other. A situation is either good or bad, success or failure – there is no middle ground. And if you fall short of your expectations, you view yourself as a total failure.
Creativity and mindfulness makes life more interesting, colourful and so much better. Black and white is just plain boring, dull and well makes me feel depressed. Being creative, overall creativity and mindfulness helps and benefits my mental health and recovery way more than black and white thinking and multitasking ever has down from them. Here’s a quote from Step Uo Revolution (#4) :
- Ladies and gentlemen. For weeks, you’ve been asking “who is the mob?” The mob is all of us. The mob is Miami. Miami is its culture. If you take down the culture, you take down Miami.
- Humanity is the new digital age. ~ Step Up Revolution, The Mob
Creativity is a big thing that has always benefited my mental health and more people including employers should encourage and include both creativity (creative thinking and problem solving) and mindfulness (instead of multitasking). Because I don’t thrive in an environment that some companies create for in their workplaces. And that needs to change so that we all can begin to evolve.
