Disassociation & It’s Dangerous Effects
Maybe the things my mom brought to light with me after my shift Sunday night was for the best of me; but it feels like in some way she sounded and felt to me like control. Controlling what I can/can’t control with ADD, depression, anxiety, disassociation and impulsiveness.
She said that whatever comes in the mail she’ll rip it up and throw out. Because she’s seen as from what Emily told her that she (Emily, my younger sister) saw what I received in the mail on Friday (March 20). That I’m going into another episode where I go on an online shopping spree where my impulsiveness and a symptom of depression and ADD share.
Though good progress: my mom was able to recognize that it may be an underlying issue. Well I’m saying more so that the real thing is being masked by these impulsive decisions (impulsive buys). She saw it as me missing my friends. She talked about how it’s been hard so far for all of us and tho they’ll still support me and be there for me: ask me how I’m doing mentally, more and etc as we’ve worked on in our 2 therapy sessions so far (January 17 & March 11).
That may be part why but also there’s a few other reasons why I buy the specific items I have chosen. I’ll go into more detail after I cover more data regarding this specific area.
In these times, it’s been hard for me to identify and make the judgment of whether what I’m hearing is coming from… the abuse talking or my mom trying to talk some sense into me about what I may have been blind to until then if I allow and let myself see.
This is something I seem to struggle for quite some time now. But I can say that it hurts me from what I understand and comprehend of what my mom said about ripping up whatever comes in the mail, the control perceive there.
Yes I am more mindfully aware of why I’ve been repeating and I’ve been believing/telling myself is okay because I’m not going crazy with these spending/impulsive buys. And I will stop that anyway I can on my own with my own control.
But I will be doing some productive things starting today (Monday March 23). Also doing some creative things: after all how beneficial it is to positive mental health. Way better then “black and white” thinking. Because that is known as a “thinking trap”.
