I Will Not Be Silenced Any Longer

The Wreckage Of My Past

Well I gotta say that with all the things I’ve experienced with mental illness in my life up til this point, I can say that it has given me a lot of knowledge and wisdom, yet also gave me the lessons to not take life overall for granted for that is one thing that Elka Ostrosky from Hot In Cleveland quotes in an episode.

Living life with diseases, sicknesses, conditions including mental illnesses can definitely give you perspective and especially also for those who have only months or a few years to live; they learn to not take life for granted! But it’s time for me to get down to the serious part of my life at this point with my recovery with mental illness!

With all that I’ve let happen for as long as I have been, my health mentally and emotionally has gotten worse on the level and conditions that I never knew was ever possible. I didn’t know it was possible for a human being to experience the complete loss of their thoughts and also loose their sense of self and identity. It’s so scary, and you know with depression, you know when you experience episodes that you’ll experience that numbness and not feel anything on an emotional level; that you won’t be able to experience normal emotions such as: happiness, joy, sadness, excitement, and more.

And for me, I’ve also reached the point with my condition where I no longer experience anything such as: anger, stress, anxiety, panic, fear, worry, overthinking on top of already mentioned about the complete loss of my thoughts. For me, to scary and it scares me that I can’t actually feel that; I honestly don’t have any education nor any knowledge yet on this kind of experience and I have no idea of how to get better; how to contribute to my recovery and healing from all this. I don’t know what particular condition my brain is in other than having my hippocampus/amygdala region of my brain, shrunk therefore unable to feel and having memory issues!

“Funny how silence can be the loudest sound of all.” ~ Lauren Oliver, Vanishing Girls

It’s so scary for one to experience these things and and yet most of us easily enough take for granted and don’t realize how important our mental and emotional health is! We don’t realize how important it is and with the amount of stigma still out there in our world, there’s a lot more still being out at risk for those experiencing mental illnesses, addictions, eating disorders and not have the healthy support system to benefit for them in their journey with these issues!

Imagine what that would be like? Imagine how a human being going through something like that, can you? How hard will you have to try to get it right? How many attempts will it take you until you finally are able to see the big picture clearly enough to understand what someone is explaining and yet sharing with you that they are experiencing?

5 by 5 rule, if its not gonna matter in 5 years don’t spend 5 mins on it

There’s one thing that I’d like to bring up briefly. And that is… empathy! It’s some part of the big issue that we all as a society have failed at. We suck at communication, more so proper, healthy communication. We blame people too easily, we assume too easily and we don’t ask questions to clarify things when we don’t fully understand something. We lash out at people for things that was more caused from something we did or something someone else did that affected us enough to lash out at the wrong person.

“Why are we hiding ourselves away?” ~ Hilary Duff “Hide Away”