Things Can Change, Life Can Change
By: Laura Annabelle
My Mental Health Story
I’m Laura Annabelle, 20 years old, female and been diagnosed with severe depression as of October 4th, 2016. I’ve had a 6 week trial with Lexapro and then started on a vitamin D supplement as of December 2nd 2016 and have been on still today.
Before going into deep detail of my story with my mental illness, I’d like to start by saying that I’ve found that I tend to have a little habit of making sure my nails are painted perfectly with no excess nail polish on my skin or anywhere else it’s not supposed to be. And no I don’t have any kind of OCD in my brain. I don’t have an obsession or compulsive urge to make every single thing perfect in my life. Over the 20 years of my life, I’ve always worked hard to be the perfect human being, citizen of society, daughter, sister, best friend and more for so many years. I just wanted to be perfect and to be accepted by the people I surround myself with.
And in result, that made me a complete mess. Losing sight of the person I was meant to be and achieving the kind of life I’ve always wanted with my dream career (will cover that career later on) and everything any human being achieves in their lifetime! Any human is allowed and has every right to feel whatever emotion that they feel, to stand up for what they believe, to say so and to dream whatever their heart wishes for itself.
To me, that comes naturally and as normal as it should be in reality. And we all have had our share of moments that caused us pain which lead us to changing ourselves. A change of self is more common and necessary than a change of scene. Anyway, back to what I was talking about before. After setting my mind to being the person matching up to my own family’s and society’s expectations and standards, it had brought me to a very low place as well as many other parts that contributed to my depression. Low self esteem, self confidence, lack of self control, compassion, self love, self care and everything else that involves in caring for the mind’s health (mental health).
Now being mindful of the positive things, I’ve come a long way in my recovery and treatment with all that I went through and through it all, I’m so truly grateful for myself and the many others out there who have been the people for still being alive today. For saving my life involved a such impossible task at first with seeking help even with the stigma and discrimination against me making that kind of choice. All I’m gonna say right now is it was all worth it and you’ll learn what I went through like we have read many others like mine. So here goes nothing and I really do appreciate all of you taking time to read my story. Thank you, it means the world to me!
To me, my mental health has become crucially an important part of my life and to myself. For taking my mental health for granted, I lost it for quite a few years even without knowing with the lack of education that I was mentally ill. I believe around middle school I became mentally ill but unsure for sure when exactly this started. But it has become aware to me as I’m slowly regaining my memory back from my recent depression relapse (that started June 10th); that the couple times that I tried sharing a couple important things that I believe in or are crucially important to me with my parents and refusing to take it seriously. Lead me to stop being honest with them for saving myself from getting hurt like anyone would feel if someone didn’t take the things they take seriously, seriously.
And since then, it has created a huge stigma while putting shame on anything that I want to share with my parents. For their lack of education, effort, mindful awareness, and proper parenting, as well as being so stubborn, blind and closed-minded; has created this cycle. In which can cause a lot of drama, pain, traumatic events, bad habits, relationship problems, and more.
Before I start talking about the beginning of my recovery, I’d like to explain and talk about my first year at Conestoga College studying in the Office Admin, General field. After waiting long enough for the remaining days of my final year in high school and getting through the summer, September, finally arrives and look forward to moving out of my parents house and into my new dorm room with my new roommate, Alannah.
It was new, exciting but somewhat scary: parents leaving and I’m remaining in the dorm in which they paid for. First semester goes okay and had some great memories with my roommate and new friends who live right across the hall as well as Kaitlyn and Riley who can both be quite goofy and loud.
Anyway, after enjoying the holidays after first semester ended, the beginning of the 2nd semester was just around the corner. Enjoyed one day before the beginning of crazy, hectic busy days with piles of work, and more. Not long into the second semester with 8 courses of work on my shoulders, brought me into another depression episode. Easily enough I started struggling a lot with more procrastination, isolation, depressed, lack of emotion, interest and enjoyment in activities used to enjoy, struggles sleeping, and many other symptoms. At first getting my schedule for second semester and see that I was just starting a new semester with 8 courses, not 6 like the first semester, worth of homework. But in a small and enough time, I thought I could handle that much pressure and responsibility but that derailed quite quickly.
It was after our reading week when I first met with my counsellor on campus. Her name was Pauline. We met about 7 out of the 8 sessions that is covered in the tuition cost each semester. One thing I can say is that I went through a lot in 2nd semester of college. Thinking back now, I’ve come to share that I’ve analyzed many events and moments in my past over many years and have discovered that I was mentally ill way before I even first knew myself to be. I wasn’t mentally ill in 2nd semester of grade 12 or college. It all started with my parents.
How you may be thinking why state that my mental health became unhealthy because of my parents? Well I have more than plenty of proof and data to back up my statement and belief of this.
Yeah, our parents may know a lot of the right methods when it comes to parenting their kids, but from how they’ve lived and the mindsets and beliefs they’ve gained from their past life till now, has caused problems. But how can they be so blind to something that puts their own kids overall human beings at risk of their health and dangerous consequences? Well the way they think is what they choose to stick with no matter what evidence or data could proof guilty to the damage. They think their methods to get the change that they want from us is a good and logical method and that we aren’t trying hard enough or are just lazy and not trying or putting any kind of effort into anything.
But that’s not the real case here. That’s what the parents here believe and stick with no matter what anyone may try to convince them otherwise. We are trying and many of these days, we are actually fighting our demon inside our brain so hard that it’s killing us. Our parents are basically on the demon’s side is how we view it. How they’ve always chosen to react, think, act yet overall live cause us to feel like they are against us and trying to kill us just like the demon and the nasty yet deadly stigma surrounding mental illness.
It’s one thing to say something but it’s another to act something else. When you say something, make sure you not only mean it but also set the example of what you are inspiring to someone. As well as making sure you don’t say it mean. If you say one thing but act something else when inspiring change for someone, don’t expect them to follow your inspirational words. If you don’t live the example yourself, that person on the other end won’t bother following the inspiration because of what you are not being mindfully aware that you’re doing wrong here.
We all want to be heard. We all want to be loved, accepted just as who we want to be with no shame, or hate of any kind. We want many more things and yet we can’t seem to get it because of how stubborn, closed-minded and blind society has become at this point in time. Society tells us to be ourselves yet they judge us anyway. Yeah not everyone will like us but nobody should have any kind of hate towards someone. If you don’t like someone, don’t like them. But don’t hate them.
Hate is a strong word. God didn’t give us this life and put us on this earth to just hate every person we don’t like and the world entirely. Hate may be a strong word but we shouldn’t use it in any way that make us hate so much of life including every person that’s in it too. We shouldn’t waste our lives hating it. God didn’t give us this life on earth to just waste it by hating it and anyone in it that we have some reason to hate. Words do hurt, so choose your words wisely because words don’t just hurt, they kill. Stigma doesn’t just hurt, it kills more humans than you may think it possibly can.
Anyway, mental health is more important than a lot of society has ever believed to be. To me, for so many years, I took my mental health yet the whole subject for granted. I was lacking the education and intelligence to properly take care of myself on that level. A level of one’s health that is so crucially important not to forget, exclude or ignore. Why and how am I saying this? Well I’d like to add here right now of what brought me to advocating for mental health as strongly as I am. These reasons are for my mental health condition.
I was diagnosed with severe depression as of October 4th, 2016 and started on a 6 week trial on Lexapro as of October 7th and then on a vitamin d supplement in the beginning of December. My depression relapse started on June 10th 2016 and had kept an eye on my depression as time passed and fond that in the middle of September I had discovered my mental health kept getting worse by the day.
Each day I sunk deeper into my depression. And my support system: not all that great. I had my family local doctor, mental health counsellor (Erin), my good friend, Tracey Baszo who is also a mental health advocate (which she has a past with depression too as well as survived 10 attempts with suicide, self harm, seizures and on top of all that: early onset fibromyalgia as of recently this week) & my friends in the Happier community (happier.com). That’s it. Yeah, I had told my best friend of 15 years, Courtney updating her from time to time but it’s hard to say all the things to her in a way that she will understand how depression, mental illness can impact one’s life.
Now, flashing back to high school, I had a couple panic attacks yet I didn’t the education and knowledge to know that. It wasn’t till either before or after my one year of college till I had learned that fact. Anyway, other than that and having suicidal thoughts in grade 12 and probably in middle school or when I was younger, those were the events that affected me without even realizing with the proper education. I didn’t even realize with the lack of education that I believed that it’s human and normal to have suicidal thoughts, to want to die.
When it came back to my mind after coming home from college months later, I finally came to know with more than plenty of education that I must have been crazy to believe that. Anyway, 2nd semester comes and as my mental health starts to sink deeper into my depression and failing academically, I had somehow thought and believed I felt comfortable disclosing my mental illness with my program coordinator, Amy Gleseir. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have believed that I felt that way. Why? Because of the possibilities and feelings of it not ending well in any positive way. So I send her an email and ends up meeting her with her in her office and well all I can say here is that it was not what I wanted nor needed from the email.
And then some time later, I sent another one and it definitely had some negative emotion: anger, disappointment and more in between the words I spoke in the 2nd email. And how did it end this time? She basically felt that I was responding badly and the rest I can’t remember still as of 2 years ago. Oh, I forgot to add one other very important fact here: how Amy Gleseir spoke yet treated me overall, made me believe from being treated that way: suicide therefore killing myself is the best idea I’ve ever had in my entire life. She had made it so bad on a level that I wan’t to end my own life to end the pain. Because I knew she was so stubborn, blind and closed-minded of seeing this from my view.
Remember, there are three sides to a story: yours, theirs, and the truth. Anyway, after my exams had come and go, I finally was going home and I have to say that I’m lucky I made it out alive that semester. That I actually was alive to make it to the end of the semester with how life threatening and killing to me from the coordinator at Conestoga College in Kitchener, Waterloo (Doon Campus).
When I arrive home, I start on my long journey in recovery from my very life threatening illness and traumatic events that changed me in ways that I will never make the same mistakes again for the pain it caused me. Months passes and I finally got my first job working at a warehouse through an agency. I worked at Fraser Direct and yes I can definitely say that I have learn many great things from that job that I can also take into my life in many areas not just in the job world. I learned a lot as well as progressing with my recovery. One thing’s for sure: I had many thoughts many times of pros and cons of choosing to tell one of the supervisors or the project monitor, Danielle about my mental illness. Pros convinced me that I should because it’s my life, I shouldn’t let anyone decide whether I share that particular fact about me with them. And cons convinced me that at some point or another my parents would find out and would go hard core hard on me mentally. Mentally beat me up. Like that’s new to me. I’m used to that kind of treatment and behaviour with my family. For so many years, I was treated that way. Every time my parents brought up something new or old that I did wrong: mistake or anything at all, they would mentally beat me up and the other thing is that how they responded and reacted, basically trained my brain to believe at times like that; that I should beat myself up. Yeah, beat yourself up, as a method or way of coping with it. As well as the many common phrases they used all too much: “don’t come crying to me…”, “you can feel bad for yourself and look away all you want but… (can’t remember the rest) and many more.
Another fact to include here is that their reactions and choice of mindsets and other things, can contribute a lot with anxiety. When we become anxious, we focus on the negative outcomes of the event. We think and believe that this has happened once, and it will happen again and it will get worse. Our anxiety is so easily convincing us that the world will end and that then leads us to responding/reacting the ways that we do with absolutely no control of ourselves. But regardless of our beliefs and our anxiety, the rest of the world is still surviving while we are freaking out, lashing out to others, letting our anxiety take control of us.
Control yourself or your emotions will control you.
Recently as of October 23rd 2016, two days before my 20th birthday, after a few negative impacting events occurred before and after my family birthday celebration. One thing that I have to include here is an unethical decision someone else made that I was not happy with at all. And that is after my best friend booked off October 22 and 23rd for my birthday celebration with her: spa day with a massage, nice dinner at The Keg, and more fun at home, sleepover; her manager decided to schedule her anyway even after she has already approved her time off those two days. In what way or logical reason is that a smart or ethical decision to make? It isn’t at all.
One other important fact here is that late after all this ended, neither of us got around to calling The Keg in Oakville to bring awareness to them that Courtney got food poisoning from eating their cooked bacon wrapped chicken entree. I believe that something needs to happen or be dealt with about it. Bringing the awareness to others from that night and offer some sort of gift like a free dinner on the house, something like that.
Another important fact that happened during my birthday weekend was having suicidal thoughts. Yeah, I never planned or intended to have suicidal thoughts yet I get told that I’m the most selfish/self centred person they have ever known and that I’m just doing it for attention. We mentally ill people who have had and may have them for a while still now, should not be viewed and labeled as self-centred, selfish or attention seeking. When we declare or speak up admitting that we are having thoughts that we’d be better off dead than alive and the demon inside our brain convinces us many other reasons why that belief makes sense and with proof to back up, no one should treat us like they have in the past decades. Even how I was treated and viewed throughout this huge event that whole weekend.
The next morning on Sunday, around 9:30ish,, Courtney starts puking in the bathroom upstairs due to food poisoning from the bacon wrapped chicken we both had at The Keg and it lasted long enough to call her boss and ask for a day off on Monday. And then one lead to another, her brother dropped her mom off and she drove Courtney home by 11am. I felt like crap but not like Courtney did. After that, I had a shower and got ready for the party. Then I barely speak much to anyone during the party and for some stupid reason, my parents and sister viewed my choice of wanting to do presents then cake as selfish in a way I wanted the presents as for I barely much at all spoke to any of our family there. I felt bad because my aunt Ruthie came even though she had a cold that really felt that she wasn’t able to come, but came anyway. What’s my real logic for not being able to speak to anyone much? Well it’s two things: one being the stigma making it hard to speak about mental health and what we are going through with society not trying to understand mental health and mental illness so I couldn’t speak on that level. And then the second reason is mentally not being able to speak for how numb I felt. When you feel so numb and paralyzed on the level I experienced this day, you can’t speak no matter how much you try. Anyone should be lucky that we get anything out in words at all. It’s better than nothing at all.
No matter how many times I have tried with explaining this and many other things to my parents, nothing has changed and nothing positive comes out of it. Another thing is that my choice of the order to do presents and cake made my parents believe it as an act of selfishness. This is not new. I’ve done those things in that same order for every one of my birthdays. When it came to presents, I barely at all showed any real emotion or expression when I opened the gifts and my parents and sister viewed it as more selfishness and not caring about anyone’s feelings at all. It continued to derail as minutes passed after everyone left.
Even though I wasn’t on the Lexapro long enough to be impacted with some small improvements in my mood, I still was experiencing numbness as well as part of that not being able to speak much at all. Around September I was called by the temp agency if I wanted to work the Saturday shift from 7am-3:30pm at Fraser Direct and which I did. And so the night before, I had scheduled to spend some time with a couple of my cousins for dinner and fro yo and came home in time to make my lunch for my shift the next morning.
And then after working that shift, I had a small short nap and then got ready and went out for dinner and during that event, I didn’t and couldn’t speak much at all. I tried but not much came out. I wasn’t really all that aware or educated of what happened there exactly. But I think at some point after that event and we went back home, my mom most likely had a talk with me how I wasn’t as social as I normally am or would be. And that I wasn’t trying hard enough, being selfish, lazy and maybe a few others too.
Around 9pm I think that night, the long fight, argument and horrifying talk with my parents and sister made me think: “I can’t believe this is actually happening to me on my birthday.” And they basically treated me so badly on a level I never experienced with them that they didn’t even consider how their words, tone and overall language would hurt my own feelings. They basically stated that they didn’t care that they were hurting me. Also for the fact that I’m sensitive in which I get from my mom but also some comes from my depression. They didn’t think that going that hard on me is not how you treat someone who’s sensitive. I also thought to myself that I deserved to be treated so much better than what was happening right in front of me.
It continues to go on and finally they actually let me go upstairs to bed. I finally get to bed and not much long after, my parents come and talk more causing me even more pain. At some point here, I state that I hate them. I have every right to, why? What’s my logic to back up my statement and belief? They only seem to want to demand change on me in one of many ways that they don’t want me to be anything I wanted to become as a responsible citizen of society and human being. They were only interested in shaping me into the person they wanted me to be.
Parents don’t love you more because you’re biologically theirs. I mean your moms – they don’t love you because your easy to deal with or because you keep your mouth shut. They love you because you’re you. – Rita
This quote from Rita in The Fosters tv series definitely backs up my statement. My parents didn’t love me for who I am. For being me. They loved me by shaping me into the person they wanted me to be, so they can love me more on a level they can feel proud for becoming overall a responsible citizen of society but their way, not mine. Nor did I have any say even no matter how many times I tried, they wouldn’t budge, because they were and still are stubborn, closed-minded and blind. I even stated that I believe they are closed-minded but they denied. Though their words in the past, present and most likely in the future is proof enough that their words stating their denial for being closed-minded isn’t logical or smart to believe.
Later the same night, it gets to the point after stating that I hated them, they don’t want me living in their house and never stopped trying to make me or in different words kick me out that night. I tried five times to try to get them to change your minds to work something out instead of kicking me out. But they still wouldn’t budge. So I somewhat accepted it and started packing as much of my things into my overnight bag that’s in need to being replaced, though now stating I forgot to pack my birth control pills, but did’t forget my lexapro and concerta. It got so far till almost walking towards the door to walk out, and somehow I managed to say some things to the point where I was able to find myself laying in bed trying to fall asleep after all that just happened. One thing I learned here is to not make any decisions when you’re scared.
The next morning, my mom tells me to wait till lunch time to sit together to text a good message to Courtney checking up on her. But before lunch came around, I decided to anyway on my own terms, choices and reasons. One other thing I almost left out from the other night was that they both stated that they wish I never met Courtney at all or when she moved to New Brunswick for a month, they wished she had stayed. That hurt me on a level I can’t really explain all to easily or well still. And so I shared this part of the long conversation last night with Courtney and was hurt on a similar or same level as I was hurting. And then lunch comes around they asked to see my phone to see what I texted as for admitting I did without waiting till lunch time with her. She looked through the conversation and got mad, as well as giving my dad my phone to look through. They got so mad. Honestly, I did the right thing. I was hurt by what they said about Courtney and telling her what I was hurting from was what any loyal and honest best friend would do to the other. If one best friend is hurt by something someone said whether it involves the other best friend, they should be honest regardless of anything.
And then after how mad they got, she decided to make me give them my phone, iPad and laptop for a bit. I was so mad at how they responded and what I did: telling Courtney overall how they viewed that choice: as wrong. That I shouldn’t have said those things in the conversation. Anyway, they accepted those three items from me without thinking of my old iPod touch that wasn’t in that pile. Yeah even though the battery in that iPod sucked and many other performance issues with it, I didn’t say a word about that. And after lunch ended and they both went back to work, I grabbed it, kept it charged and used it to send a message to my case worker also known as Katie who I’ve communicated with to help me find a job. In which she works at VPI.
I then wrote an email to her through safari for I had removed my email accounts from my Mail app. I sent it to her which took at least five minutes to type and send. Then around 3pm that afternoon, the police showed up and my younger sister, Emily was upstairs. The policemen was named Ken and the women, Kim. I had a chat with him for a bit till my dad walked to the door and while me, my dad and both police were there, one of them asked me if I was still in need of the ambulance to check me out health wise. I said no, I’ve been suicidal a few many times throughout my life but not on a level or even had attempted like my good friend, Tracey as mentioned before. This was asked because suicide was in my email I had sent Katie (case worker).
Eventually after a few minutes or so, Ken went into the kitchen with my dad to speak with while I talk with Kim. One thing I learned is that a cafe in China they allow animals as a companion for humans at the cafe which Kim mentioned to me during our talk. She also talked to me about my meds, (Lexapro, Concerta and having Prozac in the house as well), trying to write a letter to help clear the message to my parents in a different way of getting the message to them but not assuming or expecting it to work. As well as a few other things. It was a nice talk that I enjoyed in some way even though for the fact I was still feeling numb and paralyzed.
While the police were at our house, someone has called my mom to come home from work and was not happy to see what she came home to. After all that happened and the police left, the four of us had a long talk and one thing I’ll never forget that they all basically said themselves is that they told me that I need to try, that it should only come from me. That they see me over the years where I appear to them as not trying or not trying hard enough. Or even just being so sad and lazy, they get mad and frustrated and other emotions. Yet they refuse to try to hear my story being truly mindful meaning being in the moment with no judgments or anything of any kind and focus on what’s happening around you and actually and fully listening to me. Not just hearing, but listening for real. And part of being mindful in the moment, isn’t just being in the moment focusing on what’s in front of you without having any thoughts going through in your head which also includes any beliefs, mindsets, perspectives and judgements. You must hear someone fully without any judgements of any kind no matter what you may feel inside. Because that’s what it takes to be fully mindful in the moment.
You hear but you don’t listen. This is one of many things they seem to not get, refuse to change and view any differently. Part of being mindful is not only just being present in the moment but also not having any judgments in the present moment. The definition of mindfulness is as follows below:
What Is Mindfulness?
- Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.
Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them – without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.
Though it has its roots in Buddhist meditation, a secular practice of mindfulness has entered the American mainstream in recent years, in part through the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn and his Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, which he launched at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in 1979. Since that time, thousands of studies have documented the physical and mental health benefits of mindfulness in general and MBSR in particular, inspiring countless programs to adapt the MBSR model for schools, prisons, hospitals, veterans centers, and beyond.
So I would like to continue and conclude my 1st of two conclusions here that anyone who experiences and lives with any mental illness and even any addiction, will experience the stigma and research proofs that 9/10 people will experience the discrimination of mental health, mental illness, and addictions. And so for me, I’ve been through a lot and have gained so much knowledge and education from both my research online, in self help books as well as experiencing life with mental illness in our society and current century and generation.
It wasn’t easy, and everyone who has been impacted with mental illness in their life who live with it, has been put through (sorry for the language), hell and at some point we learn that we don’t get to choose if we get hurt in this world but we do have a say in who hurts you. As quoted in The Fault In Our Stars in which is my fave romantic comedy. We have also learned at some point that life is not easy and nor will it ever be, and it isn’t at all fair in the ways we want it to be. We wish some things were more fair to us without any discrimination or any kind of stigma around anything or any labelled groups.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I don’t like how life treats me as well as others learn this, we can’t see it as a way to refuse that and do everything in our power to change that. Some things that aren’t fair in life, I believe we can change. But the rest, we must accept and let it strengthen us rather than letting it define or destroy us. Yeah, I may be crazy, but so what. Screw society, screw what society thinks and what they want me to be. I’m absolutely done being a prisoner in this screwed up society of a world we created. A good and healthy thing about being crazy is this fact below:
Sometimes crazy is the basis of genius.
A another great example of a healthy kind of crazy is Bebe Rexha’s music video: “I’m Gonna Show You Crazy” in the link below:
For most of my life, I’ve been too focused and caught up in what society wants me to be that I lost sight of who I wanted to be and lost touch with my inner and self control to not give in to what society wants to do, to be, to say, to act, to live overall in reality. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I’m gonna start doing something to fix this.
This next quote has a lot of meaning to what I’m gonna talk about next here in my mental health story.
I get things are bad. But what are we doing to fix it?
There are two wolves. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. Which wolf wins? In this case, which wolf are you feeding? Are you choosing to accept the doom in yourself and the world and sinking like the Titanic or are you gonna not accept the doom here and actually contribute everything you can in your power to fix it. Fix what? The world. We must do all we can to fix the future. With every second that ticks by, the future is running out. And we optimistic also known as dreamers must do what we need to do to fix and save the future. Watch Tomorrowland all the way through and give it a chance and you’ll learn enough to understand what I’m talking about here.
Back to what I was talking about: losing sight of myself. When it comes to this, we have to lose ourself to really discover who we truly are and that will teach us many things. And that will impact one’s life in great ways none of us will have seen coming.
Yeah so I’ve been through a lot in the past few years of my life overall the 20 years of my life up to today. And yeah I had to learn the things I learned the hard way. I also believe that clebrities like Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Dove Cameron, Madison Beer, Hedley, and Hilary Duff just to list a few; have created some really amazing yet relatable to everyone in their own ways and experiences. And for that fact, it has also helped me throughout my recovery as well as the helpful friends in the Happier community (happier.com) and these self care posters a great friend I found on Tumblr as the screenshot of her Tumblr account: in which I recommend you take some time to look at her posters she’s created and save them in your phone to help you with your mental health.
Anyway, I have more stories around my mental health experiences but I just wanted to cover some of the basic ones that make up my important and worthy story for mental health. Some things that have made me proud to be an advocate for mental health isn’t just around my mental illness, but also all that I’ve been through with it that has given me so much. When I lost my mental health, I eventually started to appreciate it more. Once I lost my voice completely in a mental way, I began to think that I should start using my voice to not only be heard but to also advocate for mental health in which by standing up for what I believe in. And I strongly believe in it enough that I’m more than willing to fight for it all the way like many of us are.
For all that I’ve been through with my depression, I’m very gladly proud to share here that it has been something great that I happened to go through for it brought me to a better and healthier education of mental health, the education I got from my experiences with it, learning more about mental health in therapy sessions and CBT groups as well as anything and everything else that has contributed to advocating for such an important and worthy cause like all the other ones out there.
Before I conclude here, I’d like to also add that as for living with depression, comes with the new changes. And one of those changes other than my brain impacting my life but in more of my own control; is my appetite. Yes, appetite! Before I started on the Lexapro (antidepressant), from when my relapse started in June 2016, I started losing my appetite, and then lost the remainder within the first 4 days on the antidepressants. It was hard and so scary for me to adapt and cope with that kind of change.
For me, I’m Italian and I love food and I had seemed to struggle from time to time with maintaining enough calories without going over the calorie limit on some or many days but I always found my own creative ways to maintain and cope with my struggles and urges. But since I lost my appetite last year, I’ve found it hard to eat the three meals every day. Some days I find with the lack of appetite, I skip lunch and then sometimes I don’t eat much at dinner time. Anyway, for a few months, I’ve been trying and struggling to eat little more each day to help me gain some appetite. For the education and logic that there’s no easy or simple way to increase appetite.
You can’t force change there. You can’t force any kind of change here. You want any kind of change in the world whether it’s for yourself or anyone, you inspire it. No one has ever received the change they wanted by demanding it. So why continue yelling, arguing on things in a demanding way if nothing changes. You want change, stop what you’ve done in the past and start analyzing it all and look online, ask people around you or ask people online or even ask Siri what methods people follow that helps gain the change they want. And not by demanding, but inspiring it instead. And another important thing with finding the right method (which different methods or strategies or skills work differently for different situations and people; is keeping in mind that language matters. It’s not just about the choice of words, but the tone you use as well as your actions after that. You say one thing and then act another thing completely the opposite or different than what you said.
What I’m saying here is your speech matters and it dictates and decides not only the life you’ll have but other lives too. Like how our own choices when driving on the road affects the lives of those around us. We may come out injured but to the cars you found yourself and others in a collision, may not be as lucky as you.
For me or anyone, it’s scary. It’s different when it happens to you because you don’t know what it’s like until it happens to you. And same with if something anything whether it’s traumatic or something great and exciting.
What I’m saying here is that coping and maintaining our mental health and the impacts mental illness has on our individual lives is hard to do. So please don’t say that we have appetite. Yeah, we may see us eating food at times, but an important thing to remember here is that mental illness is invisible. It’s called the “Invisible Illness Epidemic”. We may seem and look like we have appetite when we eat food around you, but appetite is inside. It’s invisible.
And no one should make any easy judgments when you haven’t bothered to hear our reason, logic and education on how your beliefs or views of us and our appetite isn’t able to believe with the lack of proof and the proper education. Because the education would proof that belief or comment false or guilty of being wrong and lacking the proper evidence and education.
Yeah so we live with mental illness, so what! That doesn’t make us less human, normal or anything less of anything of a human being that we were all along even before and during our mental illness. Mental health is so important and I believe it deserves to be treated so much better than it has been.
Yes, we have achieved some amount of progress in decreasing or breaking the stigma around mental illness but we still have a long way to go. On top of doing all we can to help fix our broken mental health system. 2017 is our year to make some really great and life impacting changes in our world. And I truly believe that psychology can change the world…if we let and allow it!
So let’s put our differences, beliefs aside and lite this torch to raise our voices and power of fire make the world a better place with more kindness and a lot less hate for one another person and thing.
Here goes nothing. Hope for the best, right!
