Unmasked

By: Laura Annabelle, Lacking Appetite

Depression Effects

Hello, my name is Laura Annabelle. And I would like to first disclose my mental illnesses. Which is severe depression, ADHD, and anxiety.

Since I was diagnosed with severe depression, I have been still analyzing other little and big facts that I haven’t noticed easily enough. And it has come aware to me that before I. relapsed June 10th 2016, I slowly started losing my appetite. At first I thought for sure I did something when I slowly noticed my cravings eventually disappeared. But this month it has occurred to me that I did absolutely nothing to do to stop my cravings all together like that.

And I believe that my appetite slowly started to decrease as the time passed. And by the time October 4th, came around and after the first four days on Lexapro, I lost the remainder of my appetite. I then made the decision on my own terms to take a break from working at the warehouse in which I was employed and paid by an staffing agency. I called the agency notifying them about my mental illness and that I wanted to dedicate enough time to being off working at Fraser Direct in which I was working at, to my recovery. And I did have my many and logical reasons for choosing this corse of action and decision in which I’ll explain next.

My reasons behind why I chose to take a break from working at the warehouse for a while are as follows: due to my mental state with how deep I was back in my depression hole (relapse), I came to analyze that with lacking all appetite, I wouldn’t be able to work well enough like I was the previous times which I took a nice long break between June 10 (which was when the relapse clearly started) and late September. This is also because lacking enough appetite, I was also lacking enough energy, never mind enough. I mean more like lacking pretty much all of my energy. I barely had enough energy to complete all the house chores in which my parents expected of me to do while unemployed and nothing else to do. They responded by mentally beating me up (which I’m used to as its a thing that has been going on for so many years) when I don’t complete each task 100% and those chores which have taken me days to actually complete.

They get frustrated with me and refuse to understand and even when they want to know my reason why I have such struggles with something so basic in which anyone can do, they don’t understand nor try to and say that it’s no excuse and that it doesn’t make sense. Clearly the stigma doesn’t just do all that it is known for other than the main one being shame but also blinding people of the whole picture of mental illness. People don’t try to think that they should try and understand and put themselves in our shoes for once so they will see what they are lacking and then use that to go easier on us enough that it isn’t too easy but not hard like so many people follow.

Anyway, there’s more to talk about on this note and other subtopics around this subtopic itself in which I will cover in another article another time. But the main purpose and point with writing this article here is that people also don’t try to understand new views of certain things around mental illness like what the mentally ill people will be viewed when they are lacking appetite due to their depression. Some people will lack it enough to the point where they don’t eat and get skinny. In which some people believe that if you starve yourself or don’t eat for more than 2 days or so, you’ll gain weight, but there’s more than enough evidence in which I may not have but is available for anyone to search online and at the library.

To continue here, as of late on Wednesday for dinner, me and both my parents went out for Japanese downtown before I had to go to my group session called: “Claim Your Crown” held at the Inspirit Centre downtown, they brought up how I wasn’t completing the chores that day. Before I left for my first driving lesson, I watched this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars and left for my lesson without doing the dishes which doesn’t take much time to do. I realized after my lesson had started, I forgot but tried my best to focus on the present moment with driving and listening to the instructor. And I knew they wouldn’t understand but I decided to try again like the millions of other attempts in my past. But no new results came out of it. I told them that the medication I take (Concerta) for my ADHD which my doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD and depression, felt like changing the dosage I take daily from 2 pills to 1 pill instead as per what he said about lacking appetite and not being able to maintain a healthy diet can have its side effects on my mental and emotional state such as dizziness, nightmares (I think), emotional breakdowns, numbness/paralyzed and any others.

I’ve tried to explain to them but they won’t budge. Anyway, after millions of unsuccessful attempts with this, I do believe that they will come around and be more supportive, understanding and able to educate themselves on what knowledge and education they are lacking in the mental health field.

So before I end this article, I’d like to clarify that with my experiences and knowledge, that I may still be lacking appetite in which only I can tell truthfully and honestly, that I will struggle in the near future with maintaining my eating habits and eating enough to maintain calorie intake as well as coping with the new change (which is still scary for me to live with); though I may gain it at some point but only by inspiring it and without force.

Though I want to tell others who may not know and understand that lacking appetite doesn’t only just look like someone starving themselves and looking skinny. It can also look like those who know they live with depression but see them eating food just fine with no struggle or trouble, inside them is struggle and yes they will find themselves not eating lunch or dinner some days every once in a while or whenever. Everyone is impacted differently by mental illness.

In conclusion here, I want to teach others who don’t understand to take some time to read the previous paragraph above and really take time to understand it and ask any mental health professionals, doctors or even anyone you know who lives with depression to have them explain it through their view. And for that to succeed, they must be wiling to view something from a view aside from their own for once and to do so more often to not exclude their views and experiences as they are valid and real. To end here, please take the consideration to hear other people’s perspectives on their experiences aside from your own regardless of what you may not like or agree with. Do it because you love, respect, accept and support them no matter what.

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