In memory of February;
With Aekya Roundtables happening every month, we have started to document our discussions more religiously. We believe in complexity and organic conversations, hence we go into depths of each word and expression of things we see around us –– for better or for worse, our conversations are too rich to fit into one essay or audio. So, as we focused on understanding and deconstructing the meaning of love in the Desi diaspora, we ended the roundtable with recommendations for each other; and now they are here for you. Bringing one of each, a movie, web series, book, and podcast here is a soup for the soul to discover different expressions of love.
Sir
When we talk about an act of love, between class boundaries it often turns dramatic. Especially in India, you have the whole family brought into what is often considered a private decision of one’s life. With songs of sadness and joy, of weddings, heartbreak, and everything in between creating a spicy narrative of what love is. Then comes the movie ‘Is Love Enough? Sir’ which instead of celebrating the wedding of protagonists, celebrates the complexity of love.
In this story, Ratna, played by Tillotama Shome works as a determined, independent, and hardworking individual, who happens to be a maid. She was hired to cook and clean after Ashwin, played by Vivek Gomber. Supporting this cynical man through a challenging time in his life, after he is heartbroken himself, she builds an honest relationship with him and fends for him in her ways. Their care for each other is shown increasing in the movie, but what the movie does best is showcasing the prejudice of the Desi diaspora that puts too many boundaries on what love should be.
Watch this movie to experience how pure and caring one’s love can be, even when it’s riddled with anger towards the societal definitions of relationships. Ratna and Ashwin fall in love, because of the warmth and care they shared. More importantly, you should watch this movie to understand how internalized these prejudices are. This movie showcases a slice of life, that is complex, hopeful, and pure.
Modern Love
There is just so much to say about Modern Love. It is a Sunday feature in New York Times, has its podcast, and a web series too. The list is never-ending, and it is highly recommended — start with reading them or listening, indulge whichever sense you prefer. Though there are many podcast episodes I could recommend, I’d like to put forth Episode 3 from the web series.
For someone who lives with constant anxiety and feels tired after talking to people, I have always wondered when do you cross the threshold of marking the checkbox in your hiring form that you have a mental health disorder. In this episode, Lexi is going through that struggle and much larger issues. Lexi is showcased as an ambitious, intelligent, and beautiful woman who’s not been able to express why she’s taking sick days so often, and also why she is not dating men more than a minute.
This episode talks about the weight we, individuals with mental health illnesses, live in the modern world. To show up just like the other person, we hide our scars, our depths, and live a performative life that drains the little sanity we have left. I use the word ‘we’ generously here because I feel all of us constantly fight the evil of hidden mental ailments. This Modern Love episode focuses on how we need to accept and love ourselves before loving others and declare to the world who we are. Lexi walks us through the ugliness and beauty of bipolar disorder, and feeling like no one else could share the burden — as she shares her secret towards the end of the episode, you feel the weight lifted on just from her chest but yours. Lexi finds a glimmer of love and acceptance.
Watch, read, or listen to Modern Love anywhere, to learn about the different meanings of love and not just the ones out there commodified by the popular culture.
All About Love
As an author and feminist, bell hooks wrote the book All About Love when she felt that America is becoming a loveless place. Every single line in this book is crafted beautifully, to help you learn what love is — when you talk about work, family, commitments, and life. hooks write, “The will to extend one’s self to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”
Love portrayed often as a service and devotion, is described as a choice by hooks, and she takes us through a journey of how different natures of love can help us grow but also hate ourselves. Love is care. Love is dialogue. Love is not a slap across your face by a guardian, attached with “I care and that’s why I’m mad.” This book would empower you to understand and deconstruct how love is brought into our world, and how we have to detach abuse, ownership, and toxic exchange to love. Others, and ourselves.
This book needs to be read by everyone walking this planet. That’s all.
Another honorable mention that we talked about on the call:
This is Love • A podcast about the complexity and range of love. As TIME wrote, The podcast tries to decode the mystery of how our romances, obsessions, and relationships drive us. Listening to it can feel like a contact high. With a softly paced and serene voice, Phoebe Judge discusses different facets of love in intriguing episodes and explores life.
