I Regret My Choice But I Do Not Regret Having Children
Let’s do this
It had become a dance at this point- boring, but I continued to do it because I felt I had to. Marriage was the ultimate and here I was failing hard at it.
I’ll go,
Babe, please tell me what’s going on so I fix it. Please let’s go back to the way we were. Whatever it takes…
That will be me on my knees, on the floor of his room.
It is a privilege to even be in his room at this point as usually, he locked himself in and from my room just opposite it, I’ll hear him furiously pull back the latch and listen as his feet hurried like he was on a slow jog, and that was it. He would be gone. Until the next day. Or four.
We used to tell each other everything. Where we went, who we were with, what we did, and our sincere thoughts.
These days, my husband told me that he was a man and that I didn’t need to know what he did.
And if I called him — believe me, I would call him endlessly like a lunatic, at 3 AM just to hear him say anything to me. And by anything, I mean, anything —
from fuck you, leave me alone, it is my life to , idiot, don’t go and sleep.
