Black Women Play Games?
I can see the negative tone that this title presents. This is because the idea of “playing games” is usually related to ideas such as being a player and/or putting your partner through an emotional rollercoaster. While this all may be true, I argue that “games” are used by black women in different, less harmful or more meaningful ways. I focus on black women because they are a unique group of people when it comes to the dating world. They are often named as the most “single” group of people. Because black women are being presented as different from other groups of people when it comes to love, it would make sense that they don’t use games in the same way as others.
I am not the first person to look at the games black people play. Scholar, David R. Burgest explored this topic as well. For the most part, Burgest believed that black women play games that involve using sex as their “tool”, while black men use money as their “tool”. I think this argument simplifies the types of games black women play. Black women are not playing games to only take all of their partner’s money.
In order to look at the other games black women play and why they play them, I looked at black romantic comedies. I chose to analyze movies because movies written by or for black communities tend to evoke some of the shared experiences of black people. I analyzed the movies Two Can Play That Game, Getting Played and Think Like a Man.
One reason black women may play games is because black women want to reverse the roles they are typically associated with. A study by Lisa Bowleg and colleagues showed that black women find themselves in relationships with controlling men. In Two Can Play That Game, Shanté shows that she has all of the control by playing games. In one of her games, she asks her boyfriend Keith if he wants her to pick up the check at dinner. This was to show that she is in control and can handle herself.
Black women are also often hit with the “black male double standard”. This is where black men are allowed to have relationships with other women while the black woman isn’t granted the same opportunity. In other words, black men can be players while black women cannot. The women in Getting Played showed how this can be reversed. In the movie, the women all play the same man. They believe that they can have any man be committed to them regardless of the claim that men are the only ones who can be players and play with their partner’s emotions.
The second reason black women may play games is to showcase their refusal to settle. Shanté shows this by putting so much time and energy into the games she plays. She will play all the games she needs to play, no matter how much energy it takes, because she refuses to have anyone “less” than her boyfriend.
However, games can also convince women to settle. In Think Like a Man, Lauren, the character who is described as the “Women Who Is Her Own Man”, follows the book’s game plan to teach her to be less like a man and settle. While it is wonderful that Lauren was able to find love, she also decided that her original standards were unrealistic because of that book. Here, one can see that there is a difference between black women who create their own games and black women who follow other people’s games. When black women create their own games, they have more control and power over their love lives.
Finally, black women may use games as protection. This protection is apparent in Think Like a Man. One of the characters, Mya, has issues with men having sex with her, but not committing to her. So, her game involves waiting ninety days before having sex with a man. By playing this game, Mya is protecting herself from more heartbreak. In Getting Played, Andrea recently broke up with her boyfriend because of his cheating. So creating this game of humiliating another man is Andrea’s way of healing and protecting her heart.
In summary, black women play these games to reverse the roles they are expected to fulfill, to show society they refuse to settle and to protect their hearts. These games show the creativity of black women, but is that why these movies were made? Hollywood could be using this “black women play games” storyline to show the “crazy” things black women do to find love. Then, black women’s games are just “the punchline” for these movies. While I hope this is not the intention, the possibility is there. In the future, I seek to find out if these games are something only found in movies or if they exist in black women’s real lives.
