Conflict Avoidance Is Nasty Work

How It Undermines Trust and Connection

Anyone who knows me knows I am not a stranger to conflict or uncomfortable conversations. In fact, I often speak about how I love having tough conversations because they bring us closer together (when both parties are committed to understanding each other and learning). There’s something so satisfying and authentic about putting everything on the table and working through it, even when it’s awkward.

In my experience, though, addressing conflict has rarely gone well. Many people lack the emotional maturity to have a genuine interest in respecting what I’m saying. They don’t have to like what I say, I never ask that, but at least respect that I’m coming to them to have a civilized conversation, not to argue, but to gain a better understanding of their perspective.

Unfortunately, that level of openness is rare, and people tend to avoid conflict altogether, by putting on those rose-colored glasses, looking the other way, and pretending all is well. You’ll notice how they don’t check in, ask what you think or feel, and they won’t dare ask you for feedback. Not me, I want to know what I can do better and find out where the disconnect is.

I don’t avoid conflict because I believe conflict avoidance is a form of lying and a pathway to unfulfilling, disconnected, and unhealthy relationships. Let me help you understand why.