Forgiveness Is a Scam and a Gateway to Toxic Relationships

Here is why Pathological Forgiveness is a Problem

Someone holding their hand out represents the act of forgiving. | Photo by NADER AYMAN on Unsplash

In a world that glorifies forgiveness, we’re taught from an early age that it’s a virtue to forgive, even when the pain is too deep and the betrayal too severe. Society drills into us that forgiveness is the path to healing and peace and that we must forgive our transgressors no matter what they’ve done. We’ve all seen the heart-wrenching stories — people standing in courtrooms or on television, saying they forgive the person who destroyed their lives, even as their voices and souls display the pain and anguish.

But what if forgiveness isn’t the cure-all it’s made out to be? What if this relentless push to forgive is just another way to sweep trauma under the rug, to pretend the disappointment and pain don’t exist? I’ve never subscribed to these dysfunctional beliefs.

I’ve watched documentaries where survivors claim they must forgive their rapists or family members and say they have to forgive the abusers in their family. Each time, it doesn’t sit right with me because it feels like they’re being asked to ignore their own pain, for the sake of a so-called moral high ground. Let me tell you about that so-called moral high ground; it's just a space for terrible people to feel comfortable in their terrible…