What the F*ck Are You ‘Proud’ Of?

A Critical Resolution Against Militant white Supremacy

Abby Shab
5 min readSep 26, 2020


Proud Boys in Portland. August 2019 (Noah Berger/AP)

When Jacob Blake was shot seven times in the back last month, I was resting. Recovering from three months of protest.

I was with my friend — another self-described Black revolutionary — when we heard about it.

We were quiet at first. Not an awkward quiet. But an aching, mournful quiet. Like the shared solemnity of a funeral, coupled with the angst of watching a loved one go to war.

We looked down at the weed we were rolling and tacitly agreed we needed more.

Our day of rest was over.

Kenosha erupted in the days that followed, and we saw Kyle Rittenhouse — a jacked-off white 17-year-old — take up arms against Black anger and (allegedly) shoot three protesters with an assault rifle.

Today, the decision to exonerate Breonna Taylor’s assassins will bring Black pain and white guns crashing together again. A white hate group, The Proud Boys, intends to rally in Portland with at least a thousand more jacked-off white boys, their oh-so-fragile egos, and their long compensatory firearms.

Supposedly, their aim is to “restore law and order”. The self-proclaimed “Western Chauvinists” say they love this country and its so called “rule-of-law”. I assume that’s why they’re called the “Proud Boys”, and I assume that’s why they wouldn’t mind killing me.

Proud Boys flag (Reuters)

I am a 24-year-old Black radical activist from Washington DC. I’ve been on the front lines of this movement since demonstrations for George Floyd and Breonna Taylor first began in the nation’s capital…

And I am tired as hell.

But these MFers — like Rittenhouse before them, like this relentless broken system in general — keep any chance of a respite well beyond the horizon of my future.

For I know damn well that their so-called “pride” in American law and order is a LIE. I know that their real purpose is to quash the threat of Black revolution.

How do I know this?

Just ask Breonna Taylor’s family if “law and order” is really worth protecting in the United States of America. What the fuck are they actually proud of?

Over the last four months, I have repeatedly marched till my feet bled.

I’ve screamed at cops through volley after volley of tear gas.

I’ve eaten rubber bullets from yards away with my hands up.

I’ve assaulted racist monolithic statues.

I’ve pulled screaming bodies from crowds fleeing from jets of pepper spray.

I’ve been scared for my freedom and safety, and even more so for that of my friends. I’m scared because I know the history of how far this system will go to resist change.

For months — years, really — I’ve been fighting to end the systemic destruction and exploitation of my community. Fighting to draw critical attention to the suffering and injustice endured by my most beloved. Fighting to change this system which has allowed countless Black souls to pass before their time — forgotten and without justice. For months, I’ve been fighting and fighting with no expectations other than that I will fight some more.

And you know what…

To all you “proud boys”, white reactionaries, and Rittenhouses out there,

Bring all the fucking guns you want.

(Jonathan Ernst/Reuters)

Because I STILL ain’t goin’ no where.

This system is broken. Daniel Cameron’s announcement is only the latest nationally-broadcasted evidence of that.

I have been fed up for years though, and I am so tired of tragedy.

But I know — like I think we’re all coming to understand — that this is war time.

By that, I do NOT mean that I, nor my allies, are looking to engage in physical violence.

I do NOT want another Jay Danielson.

And I do NOT want another child, parent, or loved one taken too soon from their family — even if that person hates my guts and brought a big ass gun to silence me.

If you, the American people, wonder what goes on in the minds of young agitators striving to assault your consciences, I will tell you now what’s most important:

To us, this is not just a fight for police abolition — or for the presidency — or even for political ideology

To us, this is a fight for our lives.

Not Fucking Around Coalition (NFAC) (Spectrum News 1)

We march, and yell, and crash the weight of our collective hearts against the white American empire because we let y’all fuck it up for far too long.

This is a war for our future, our birthright. What we’re watching is a tide of righteous ideas crashing against the bastion of American ignorance.

It is our duty to fight for our freedom.

It is our duty to win.

We are fighting for the millions upon millions of lives that will be stolen and exploited under this system if we fail. We fight to salvage the poisoned environment that the previous generation has decided to leave behind. We are fighting tooth and nail for just the chance of real liberation — Liberation for Black people, for Brown people, for our embattled Trans siblings, for the LGBTQ community, and for those across the country experiencing poverty and desperation because of systemic capitalistic exploitation.

Yes, that includes you, white people.

(Tom Brenner/Reuters)

And therefore, as tired as I am, in this critical moment, while the movement stares down the barrels of the Proud Boys’ throbbing white masculinity…

My exhaustion does not matter.

This is war time.

The future is at stake. And for that reason, in this infinitely faceted and nuanced contest for the American future, my fatigue has no place before our adversaries.

The Proud Boys, like the Klan and the cops, will try to intimidate us out of our resolve.

But fuck ’em.

I ain’t scared of nothin’.



Abby Shab

Radical activist of color working to thrive & imagine a better world. I hope we can grow through honest exchange & fearless reflection. Black Lives Matter