White People Really Need To Stop Accepting Apologies from Racists on Behalf of BIPOC People
If I Punch You In The Face, It’s Not Up To Those Watching To Accept My Apology For You, So Why Do White People Keep Overstepping Their Place?
This is an alarming trend that I am starting to notice. Whenever a white person does something offensive, ableist, or racist, white people (in particular), are the first ones to go and say “oh it’s okay darling, you’re fine.”
They are the first to excuse this behavior, on behalf of the actual injured parties. Now I am not saying that Sheryl Underwood has to forgive Sharon Osborne, and I am not saying that Sheryl has forgiven her, or that Sheryl thinks that there is anything to forgive Sharon for.
I will say, however, that millions of us people of color, and even non-people of color, are pretty pissed off at Sharon Osbourne right now, and many of us were fans before the unfortunate “don’t you dare cry”, rant.
If I punch you in the face, does your mother/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/supporter have the right to defend my apology to you, to your face, regardless of how much I hurt you?
The answer is unequivocally no.
The number of people that have tried to apologize to me from afar, or through a third party is in the high numbers, and not once have I accepted an apology that wasn’t said to my face, by the aggressor in question.
Look people, I know you all want us to get along and go back to pretending that racism doesn’t exist to make you more comfortable, but unfortunately, your comfort is coming at the risk of our lives.
- George Floyd.
- Emmet Till.
- Breonna Taylor.
- Ahmaud Arbery
- Rashard Brooks
- Daniel Prude
- Atatianna Jefferson
- Aura Rosser
- Stephon Clark
There are so many more that I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to name them all, you can find many more names at Aljazeera’s Know Their Names.
Racism isn’t just a simple slight of ignorance, it isn’t a slap across the face, it’s murder in the streets, often by the same people that are charged with protecting society.
I say “protecting society”, because the idea of saying “us” just doesn’t seem to fit. What Sharon Osbourne did to Sheryl Underwood wasn’t just offensive woman to woman, it was offensive because it was a white woman, telling a Black woman, that the Black woman, didn’t deserve her own tears.
Do you know how hard it is to function as a Black or BIPOC person, on a planet that consistently, and constantly, has had a well-kept record of trying to destroy people like you, because of the color of your skin, and for no other reason on this planet?
Black and BIPOC people are under attack, and we have been for more than four hundred years, and y’all we’re tired. Someone on Twitter today said:
Now no matter what Sheryl does, she’s going to be known as the Black woman who was effectively “put in her place” by the same white woman, that this beautiful, powerful, smart, capable Black woman, called “her friend.”
She probably won’t address it publically, because if she does, then she’s adding fuel to the fire and CBS wouldn’t want that. If she does address it, she’ll do so gracefully in an effort to calm the flames, and soothe the feelings of the offensive white woman, because she won’t want to look like she’s kicking a dead horse.
So there are millions of us speaking for Sheryl Underwood, sharing our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions because we know damned well that what Sheryl does about this situation will absolutely have an effect on her future ability to earn an income in the entertainment world.
Sheryl, like many Black and BIPOC women around the world, is now in the position of playing it cool, in order to protect herself, and that’s why so many of us are pissed off.
Even if she wants to, Sheryl can’t just let loose and be like “yo, this really fucked me up,” and she can’t put Sharon in her place and educate her publically, because Sharon apologized, so everything’s better now right?
No.
That apology wasn’t an apology, it was a non-apology. The frustrating part of all of this is that I don’t actually have the right to speak for Sheryl, but I know my temperament and I know if it were me I wouldn’t be able to let it go.
The other day I was in a chat with a group of white women, and they kept repeating themselves over and over again, talking down to me, and I had to sit back and go “really? do I really want to be a part of this?” part of me is screaming no. I don’t, but the other half of me is thinking “well, but this is a really good opportunity.” The only question that remains is at what cost?
I am tired of WOC, BIPOC Women, and Black women, in particular, having to hold our tongues and be graceful because our experience isn’t your experience, and your experience is always more important than ours.
You didn’t learn it.
You didn’t see it.
You didn’t understand it.
You didn’t pay attention to the signs.
Therefore you aren’t at fault for the fact that it happened to us. Unless someone dies, and then all of a sudden you care because it’s the trendy thing to care.
Black people are exhausted from trying to pretend that we’re okay all the time. We’re exhausted of always having to be the ones that behave well so that we are seen as if we are “safe”.
Sometimes I just want to break shit and scream “I’M NOT OKAY”, but we’re not allowed to do that, because we’re then called aggressive, and dangerous.
You’re afraid of us because you’ve been trained to be afraid of us and yet we’re the ones dying in the streets, being hunted like animals, and lynched in 2020 and 2021.
Make it make sense.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
